Season Eight: Change is Good

After MST3K switched stations, it was a time of change. The movie genre was limited, an integral and founding staff member, Trace, left the show, Crow got a new voice, the show's overall flavor changed, and the rather mysterious disappearance of shorts became noticeable. Fortunately, all of the activity did not affect things too much. Season Eight kept up the pace of season Seven, and the latter part of Season Eight contained some of the most memorable shows of the series.


Season Rank and Reflections

Andrew's Rank:

# 3

Mstie Rank:

# 1
Season Eight just barely squeaks by Season Three because of its large amount of enshrined shows. This was an odd season as there were absolutely zero shorts. Still, 820: Space Mutiny will always hold a special place in my heart as it was the first show I saw after a lengthy hiatus from MST3K. It welcomed me home in a better a way than I could've hoped. This was another historical season for MST3K as it rose from the ashes yet again. This time, however, the staff knew what it was doing and putting together some high quality shows was just another day at the office.


RPMs (Riffs Per Minute)

RPMs stayed steady for the first part of Season Eight. However, after show 812: Creatures Who Stopped Living... RPMs took a dive that would never be recovered from. Even show 820: Space Mutiny with an RPM of 9.4 couldn't stop the slide. RPM levels were the lowest they had been since the start of Season Two.



5.389 11.563 801 802 803 804 805 806 807 808 809 810 811 812 813 814 815 816 817 818 819 820 821 822


Andrew's Enshrined & Choice Eps

Mstie Enshrined & Choice Eps

# 6 - 820: Space Mutiny
# 18 - 810: Giant Spider Invasion
# 19 - 813: Jack Frost
# 20 - 821: Time Chasers
# 21 - 814: Riding With Death
# 27 - 822: Overdrawn at the Memory Bank
# 35 - 817: Horror of Party Beach
# 41 - 801: Revenge o/t Creature

# 1 - 820: Space Mutiny
# 4 - 816: Prince of Space
# 9 - 821: Time Chasers
# 12 - 813: Jack Frost
# 15 - 822: Overdrawn at the Memory Bank
# 18 - 814: Riding With Death
# 30 - 817: Horror of Party Beach
# 31 - 810: Giant Spider Invasion
# 37 - 812: Creatures Who Stopped Living...


RPM Top 44

Mstie Bottom 44

# 9 - 10.643 - 812: Creatures Who Stopped Living...
# 10 - 10.613 - 810: Giant Spider Invasion
# 16 - 10.521 - 804: Deadly Mantis
# 17 - 10.409 - 807: Terror from the Year 5000
# 22 - 10.331 - 809: I Was A Teenage Werewolf
# 31 - 10.081 - 803: Mole People
# 39 - 10.018 - 808: She Creature

# 171 - 808: She Creature
# 159 - 806: Undead
# 138 - 801: Revenge o/t Creature



Excellence Explained - Why the Good is Good

820: Space Mutiny - -

Andrew's Rank: #6

-

Mstie Rank: #1


Ah, yes. This show will always hold a special place in my heart, but what made it so attractive to everyone? In my opinion, EVERYTHING! First, it was a knockoff of a better movie as "Return of the Jedi" was released in 1983 and to assume that the trilogy's wave was still being ridden in 1987 is no far stretch. Second, it was a recent movie. Making fun of 50-year-old films is one thing, but making fun of modern movies is a whole new level of fun. Third, it had some star power. John Phillip Law, Cameron Mitchell, and perhaps Reb Brown to football fans who know him as USC running back turned actor. Fourth, the production values were low, resulting in everything from boring sets to odd costumes to odd casting to very noticeable continuity errors. Fifth, Mst3k gave absolutely NONE of the above items a free pass. They riffed on everything. They compared Cameron Mitchell to Santa Claus, they railed off alternate beefy names for Reb Brown, they joked about costumes, sets, characters, dialog... As I'm writing this, I'm trying hard to think of just one thing that they missed, and I can't do it. This truly is a special episode.

810: Giant Spider Invasion - -

Andrew's Rank: #18

-

Mstie Rank: #31


The start of Season 8, and indeed a re-start of sorts for Mst3k itself, saw a return of the show to its roots; 1950's black & white creature films. And then, almost out of nowhere, came this 1975 color film that was simultaneously charming and revolting. The filming location of this movie allowed BBI to provide some very cool "down home" riffs and the cast provided a bit of star power with Barbara Hale and Alan (D'oh!) Hale, Jr.

813: Jack Frost - -

Andrew's Rank: #19

-

Mstie Rank: #12


Taking into consideration that 422: Day the Earth Froze and 505: Magic Voyage of Sinbad had come so close together and 617: Sword and the Dragon was just a season later, it seemed as though the Russo-Finnish fantasy film trilogy had been sealed up tight. Enter "Jack Frost" to take us on a wonderfully dizzying existential ride to nowhere. The host segments may have just been okay, and the riffing may not have been so fast-paced, but who cares when the target movie is so goofy that even fair-weather Msties can successfully add their own riffs? In fact, "Jack Frost" was not merely an addition to the Russo-Finnish library, it muscled itself in and, even today, is giving good reason why it should be considered the best of the four.

821: Time Chasers - -

Andrew's Rank: #20

-

Mstie Rank: #9


I think that this being one of the few, if not the only, time travelling films in the Mst3k library helps. Oh, and the list of rich characters helps a lot too. The uber-evil CEO J.K. Robertson, his whipping boy Matt, the mulleted and simultaneously manly and whiny hero Nick, and just-along-for-the-ride Lisa. Also, having been released in 1990, this is one of the most recent entries in the Mst3k library. The riffing is slow yet sharp and while the host segments are mostly "blah", they do play off of the time-travelling idea and introduce us to Mike's brother Eddie, who gets to riff in the theater for a few segments, and guest riffers are always welcome.

814: Riding With Death - -

Andrew's Rank: #21

-

Mstie Rank: #18


The target movie here is not really anything to make this a favorite, but the long list of odd characters can NOT go unnoticed. Excitable redneck Buffalo Bill, in-command-but-not-really Leonard Driscoll, powder puff secret agent Abby, the elusive Robert Denby, and super-smooth Sam Casey played by Ben Murphy. Couple that with some horribly glued together TV shows in an attempt to make a movie, and you have perfect riffing material. Throw in some consistently great host segments, and you have a memorable episode.

822: Overdrawn at the Memory Bank - -

Andrew's Rank: #27

-

Mstie Rank: #15


This is a truly odd entry into the Mst3k library. How in the heck can a made-for-public-broadcast-TV movie star the great Raul Julia? What makes it even weirder is that the fact it DOES star Raul Julia isn't the weirdest thing. The concept of simply making a copy of ones brain and putting that copy into another brain in another body, an animal body nonetheless, is one of the craziest things I have ever heard off. And what do we use this technology for? The rehabilitation of hard-to-manage workers. And what happens when one of these workers doesn't want to be rehabilitated and starts causing futuristic mainframe trouble? Yikes! And what happens when this worker falls in love with the very person who's trying to stop him? I have to stop there before my head explodes.

817: Horror of Party Beach - -

Andrew's Rank: #35

-

Mstie Rank: #30


Season 8 really clumped movies together. It started out with a bunch of 1950's black and white monster movies, then had a bunch of 1960's/70's color movies from multiple genres. Then we went back to the former, starting with this one, which is one reason why I think this is so popular; because it was different. However, there's a bit more than just being different that makes this one attractive. The extended scenes of dancing to a live band qualify this for "Beach Movie" status, and it had been a while since we'd had one of those. This was also a movie where the high-school heroes were not just played by older actors, but BLATANTLY older actors. As for the Mst3k treatment, the host segments were inconsistent, but there were a couple of classic ones, including the "Sodium" song.


Defending My Classics

801: Revenge o/t Creature -

Andrew's Rank: #41

-

Mstie Rank: #138


I suppose that, to those Msties who watched chronologically, Crow's new voice, a new TV channel, and several other factors that all hit at the start of Season 8 could have been a bit of a shock. I was not one of those, and so, perhaps, I have a little different angle on this one. I just really dig the target movie and, call me crazy, I really like John Agar. Sure, he's type-cast as know-it-all scientists that won't stop talking, but he blends that with heroism and unsullied purpose. He, and this movie, are very likable.


Available on - 18 episodes - 82%

801: Revenge Creature

Box Set #25

808: She Creature

Box Set #34

815: Agent H.A.R.M.

Box Set #33

802: Leech Wmn

Box Set #28

810: Gnt Spdr Invsn

Box Set #10

816: Prince Space

Box Set #7

803: Mole People

Box Set #26

811: Parts: Clonus Horror

Box Set #12

818: Devil Doll

Box Set #19

804: Deadly Mantis

Box Set #27

812: Crtrs ... Living...

Box Set #9

820: Space Mutiny

Box Set #4

805: Thing that Cldn't Die

Box Set #29

813: Jack Frost

Box Set #18

821: Time Chasers

Box Set #5

806: Undead

Box Set #34

814: Riding With Death

Box Set #36

822: Ovrdrwn @ Mem Bnk

Box Set #4





<< >>

801: Revenge o/t Creature

RPM

9.777

Speedy

A-

Mutant Beast(s) : 1955 : Black/White : - Box Set #25

Andrew's Rank:

41

Mstie Rank:

138

RPM Rank:

51

Bra. Bra. Just ANY creature or did you have one in mind? This guy's bad. This is his first and last movie.
I noticed you're bewitching a man into your web of deceit and lies.

Characters:

The Gillman

: Irritable missing link in evolutionary history. He’s captured by...

Joe Hayes

: When the Ocean Harbor Marine Biology Institute needs an animal, he's the one who goes and gets it. He brings back the Gillman to be studied by...

Dr. Clete Ferguson

: He heads the studies on the Gillman. His assistant is...

Helen Dobson

: She’s working on her Ichthyology Masters and is excited to be working with Clete.

Movie:
Rumors of a mysterious animal in the Amazon River have sparked the interest of the Ocean Harbor Marine Biology Institute and so they send down a few men to find the creature and bring him back. A local warns of the danger, but is still willing to help them dynamite the river to stun, well, whatever it is. Boom!, and the Gillman floats to the surface and is taken to Florida. His arrival is lauded and attended by a who's-who in marine studies, include Clete and Helen. Clete and Helen observe the creature in an attempt to determine his intellicence and physiological makeup. Proving his good taste, the creature takes a liking to Helen and feels threatened by Clete. Joe, Clete, and Helen soon find themselves caught in a complicated love triangle, which is unfortunately simplified when Joe is killed by the Gillman who escapes. Wasting no time, Clete and Helen go out on a date that is going VERY well, until the Gillman shows up and kidnaps Helen. Clete declares martial law and leads efforts to find the Gillman and rescue Helen. This succeeds and Helen is safely resuced from the Gillman, who is gunned down on the riverbank. Fave character: Helen. She's breaking through the glass ceiling and keeps her boyfriend options wide open.

Reflections:

While watching this episode, especially after becomming familiar with episodes late in the show's catalogue, it's easy, and mildly unformfortable, to experience Bill Corbet try too hard to become Crow as only Trace could make him instead of letting Crow become Bill as only Bill could make him. This episode is a favorite, and I am by no means unfairly comparing Bill-Crow to Trace-Crow. I'm just poiint out an interesting transition of the show that is always apparent in this ep.

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

134
-The crew rematerialize and contact an ape on Earth.

Okay.


-Apes rule the world, and Ape Law is to show Mike movies.

Okay.


-Mike asks the Nanites to fix the ship.

Great!


-An alien is cheesed at Tom, who pays him with French Vanilla pudding.

Okay.


-Crow makes Mike a noisy and complex cappuccino.

Great!


-All of Mike's descendants married apes, giving rise to Earth's current situation. The lawgiver is Pearl!

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Jerky diver.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Captain Lucas laughs and wishes his guests a good night.




<< >>

802: Leech Woman

RPM

9.485

Speedy

D-

Mutant Human(s) : 1959 : Black/White : - Box Set #28

Andrew's Rank:

151

Mstie Rank:

76

RPM Rank:

66

She'll drain your wallet! I would say that's all of them, but I will refrain.

Characters:

June Talbot

: Her marriage is in shambles and she has a bit of a drinking problem. She's ten years older than her husband...

Dr. Paul Talbot

: He's researching a way to slow or even stop the aging process. He's clued in that the answer may reside in Africa by...

Malla

: She's proven to be 140-ish years old, but how?!

David

: The Talbot's guide in Africa. A hero of sorts who isn't treated as such.

Neil and Sally

: Tenuously engaged couple. Sally assists Paul, and Neil is his June's attourney. Complicated!

Movie:
This story is uncomfortable on so many levels, I lost count. I'm trying as hard as I can to find some redeeming value or lesson, but there's just nothing. We start with Dr. Paul who's researching how to slow/stop/reverse the aging process in humans. He is visited by Malla, a very VERY old woman who claims to know the secret. She shares half of it with the doctor; a mysterious powder that, when taken with water, slows aging. In exchange, the doc provides her with funds to travel back to Africa so that she can die with her family's tribe, the Naudos. However, he is hot on her trail to get to the root of the secret. He hires reluctant guide David and promises June that a trip to Africa will reignite their marital flame, while keeping from her that she's just another guinea pig for his research. Oops! June gets wise and runs away from camp, but is saved from a cheetah by David. Just as they return to camp, they are captured by the Naudos. Mallah ensures them that they will all be killed tomorrow, but cheer up! Before they die, Paul will learn the secret to reversed aging, and June will get to experience it first hand; every woman's dream! So exactly what is the secret? The powder turns out to be the pollen of a rare flower, and the secret ingredient is pineal fluid, extracted from the pineal gland at the base of the brain by punching the unfortunate donor in the back of the head with a ring bearing a sharp crystal hook. Yikes! So, for a woman to be young again, a man must be sacrificed, but it is Naudo custom. It works! Malla is returned to her 30's and June is asked to pick any man she wishes to be a sacrifice for HER transformation. She picks her jerk husband Paul! Nice! June and Malla are celebrated while David sneaks around, stealing some pollen and the pineal-piercing ring and rigging the town with dynamite. Boom! David and June escape and head for safety. Oops! Being young doesn't last long and June starts to become old again, which she can't stand, and kills David! She makes it back to the states where no one recognizes her. She passes herself off for June's niece and seduces her marriage attorney, Neil, away from Sally. Sally won't have it and, unbeknownst to Neil, forces June to leave town at gunpoint. Sally fails and becomes the newest pineal juice donor. Neil and June have a little party before the cops bust in to investigate strange murders in which the victims' upper-necks were punctured. They eventually find Sally in the closet and June jumps out a window, becoming horribly old on her way down. Neil looks on, probably wanting to jump out the window too. Fave character: No one. NO ONE. Not one person was blameless in this movie. Paul was a creep, David caused an entire creed of people to go extinct, June was a serial killer, Sally threatened to kill June over a man, and the only reason Neil got into this is because he left his fiance for "June's niece". No one!

Reflections:

Call it a missed opportunity. I actually caught a BIT of this show on Sci-Fi for its original airing. Crow's new voice and the utter downer of a movie just glanced off my mind. I wouldn't fall in love again until for shows 801: Revenge o/t Creature, 804: Deadly Mantis, or 805: Thing that Couldn't Die, I might have been re-introduced much earlier.

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

133
-The SOL is infested with cute prairie dogs.

Okay.


-The apes act like apes.

Not good.


-The nanites are on strike. Tanks are sent in to quell the uprising.

Classic!!


-The apes desire law, so Pearl and Tom make some.

Okay.


-Tom and Crow fail to extract Mike's pineal juice, and try to find Gypsy.

Okay.


-Tom REALLY wants to be Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies. The apes get civilized, until the diapers are served.

Great!


-

Stinger

: Mrs. Talbot was in New York, and so was the murder.




<< >>

803: Mole People

RPM

10.081

Vroom!

D

Mutant Beast(s) : 1956 : Black/White : - Box Set #26

Andrew's Rank:

136

Mstie Rank:

101

RPM Rank:

31

Honestly, is the woman strewn out on the rock necessary? Down go the expetations. Down. Down.

Characters:

Dr. Roger Bentley

: John Agar plays a typical John Agar character; knowledgeable, pseudo-heroic. This time he's an archealogist working with...

Dr. Jud Bellamin

: Hugh Beaumont plays a typical Hugh Beaumont character, knowledgeable, pseudo-heroic. He's also an archealogist.

Prof. Etienne Lafarge

: Large and unfit "load" of a person.

High Priest Elinu

: Second-in-command of the lost race of albino Sumerians. As a priest, he knows just a bit more than everyone else.

Adal

: Sumerian woman who is not albino.

Mole people

: An enslaved race of humanoid moles made to work for the albino people.

Movie:
First, we are treated to a “short” of sorts in which literary professor Dr. Baxter explains several different theories from throughout history on where our earth is positioned in the galaxy and what might be found below the surface. Umm, neat. Thanks. Opening credits! The real movie starts in "Asia", or at least that's what the movie tells us. A group of archeologists discovers an ancient tablet that is estimated to be 5,000 years old. Before they can spend too much time on it, an earthquake shakes the camp and destroys the tablet. However, the earthquake has also unearths an ancient lamp brought to them by a young boy. Where’d he get it? High, high on Mount Kuitara. The group climb the mountain hoping to find some ruins of an ancient city. They certainly do, but they also discover a bottomless pit of sorts. Being the explorers they are, they descend into the pit, but are unable to re-ascend. Are they trapped? They wander around and find a massive underground cave with a river and glowing walls. Suddenly, they are captured by the Mole People and taken further underground. When they come to, they are in the presence of albino humans with giant pupils. These are the survivors of the Great Biblical Flood who have lived underground for thousands of years. The explorers are taken to the king and sentenced to death. They escape thanks to Roger’s flashlight which contains the “Fire of Ishtar” and blinds the albinos with light, but Lefarge is killed by a mole. The high priest wishes to make peace with them. Roger and Jud are allowed to roam freely, but are disgusted with how the albino race treats the mole people. Roger is also “given” a non-albino woman, Adal, as a gift. They witness a ceremony in which three women are sacrificed; burned to death by the “Eye of Ishtar”. Annoyed with their interfering, High Priest Elinu begins to opine that Roger and Jud are not gods, but simple men who are nothing without their “Fire of Ishtar”. Roger’s flashlight is stolen by Elinu, but the Mole People, inspired by Roger’s repeated sympathy and heroism on their behalf, rebel and invade the temple. The priest does not fear them as he now has the flashlight, but the batteries die and so does the albino race. The only way out is through the “Eye of Ishtar”, which is simply a hole in the cave ceiling which lets sunlight through. Roger, Jud, and Adal escape. Adal sees the beauty of the outside world for a full three minutes before another earthquake crushes her with a stone pillar. Aw, c’mon! Seriously?! Fave character: Roger. He’s a hero with intentions as clean as the wind driven snow.

Reflections:

This isn't a horrible movie, but thanks to the "short" at the beginning, it feels very rushed. Personally, I really liked the twist with the “Eye of Ishtar”. The albino people feared it, they respected it, they had symbols made in its image, and it turned out to be nothing more than an interesting-shaped crack in the ceiling. However, it WAS deadly to the albino people, so was it really “nothing”? Hmm.

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

124
-Crow is a Space Child sent to enslave and kill Mike.

Okay.


-The apes celebrate Law Giver Day, the crew has a bake sale. There are LOTS of choices.

Great!


-Mike is the gesture professor.

Okay.


-Tom tries to sing a song, but he can't tune his stupid guitar.

Great!


-Crow excavates the SOL for information about his past.

Great!


-An ancient civilization on the SOL and the apes gift Pearl with Vikings running back Robert Smith.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: The load collapses.




<< >>

804: Deadly Mantis

RPM

10.521

Vroom!

B

Mutant Beast(s) : 1957 : Black/White : - Box Set #27

Andrew's Rank:

68

Mstie Rank:

65

RPM Rank:

16

A movie about a praying mantis that stars someone named "Hopper"? Now that's funny! Ha! The only way that would happen is if it were 200 feet long or something.

Characters:


Movie:

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

157
-Tom outlines the business casual guidelines, including no chaps without pants.

Okay.


-Mikes accidentally helps Bobo detonate a nuke.

Not good.


-Pearl has escaped the blast and chases the SOL, guns blazing.

Not good.


-The crew can't find a good, or even decent, radio station in deep space.

Great!


-Tom hits a space creature who is very cute and very hungry.

Great!


-No one can find the creature, but Crow has made a meatloaf.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Air Force men get all weird when they see a woman.




<< >>

805: Thing that Couldn't Die

RPM

9.741

Speedy

C

Horror : 1958 : Black/White : - Box Set #29

Andrew's Rank:

97

Mstie Rank:

57

RPM Rank:

53

The guy on the bottom right looks quite content that the grave can't hold it. "Couldn't" or "Wouldn't"?

Characters:


Movie:
I'm not sure where to start for this one. The movie just kind of, was. So I'll do the summary first. Gordon and two friends are vacationing on a ranch owned by Flavia, an eccentric money-hungry type, and her niece Jessica, an attractive yet "gifted" woman who has known Gordon for many years. Jessica's gift is her ability to find underground veins of water using a stick, which she does, but begs Flavia and the two ranch hands not to dig for she senses evil. They ignore her and unearth an old chest that Gordon traces back to Sir Francis Drake. He advises them not to open it since it might be worth more undamaged much to Flavia's delight. However, the two ranch hands get greedy and open it to find, GASP!, the head of a man named Gideon Drew who was sentenced to death for hypnotizing people and making them do bad things. He opens his eyes and hypnotizes one ranch hand into killing the other and acting as transportation for Gideon. Gideon hypnotizes Jessica and uses her gift to find the casket containing his body on which the head is placed allowing Gideon to live again. He's able to do so for about two minutes before Gordon pulls out a cross and scares Drake back into the coffin. When they open it again to finish him off, they find only a skeleton. The end. Boring, but the sexual tension between Jessica and Gordon is almost unbearable! Fave character: Jessica is one hot and spooky mama.

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

88
-Tom is an artist who has done Crow's portrait.

Okay.


-The Observers observe the crew and Pearl is their guest.

Great!


-An Observer is on the SOL, observing Mike, and taking notes.

Classic!!


-The Observes materialize Mike's past, who beat him up.

Okay.


-Crow's documentary about the Civil War.

Great!


-Tom wants to scare Crow with his disembodied head. Pearl is NOT sleeping with Bobo.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: The Observers.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Gideon’s eyes get REALLY big when the chest is opened.




<< >>

806: Undead

RPM

9.690

Speedy

C-

Fantasy : 1957 : Black/White : - Box Set #34

Andrew's Rank:

121

Mstie Rank:

159

RPM Rank:

57

Huh? This isn't a medieval psychological movie with dumb language? I am unimpressed.

Characters:


Movie:
This movie sucketh. Roger Corman directs this attempt at psychology meets time travel meets past lives meets... something medieval. The outer shell of this movie concerns a psychologist demonstrating his hypnotism breakthroughs to his colleague by taking a prostitute into her past life. The inner goo of the movie is this lady, Helaine, running around her past life. She is falsely accused of witchcraft and is sentenced to die. The actual witch framed her because she loves Helaine's past life lover, Pendragon. Pendragon almost sells his soul to Satan but the doctor, the one who hypnotized Helaine, has figured out that he can come back in time too and is there to, ummm, I'm not sure but he keeps Pendragon on the straight and narrow. Lots of stuff, explained with terrible medieval dialogue, happens and Helaine ultimately must make the decision to live with Pendragon now and be dead forever or die now and have many lives in the future. Huh?! Helaine chooses to die and the hooker in the present becomes nice, thankful for the sacrifice of Helaine. In a sort of clever twistaroo, Satan tells the doctor, still in the past, that since Helaine is now dead, the bridge to the future is closed and the doc is stuck in the past, much to Satan's delight. Look for Billy Barty as the evil witch's imp. You can ignore the rest of the movie, though. Fave character: Satan. Even though cheesily done, he's the only one who knows what's going on.

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

136
-Mike recounts his past, and resents getting fired.

Great!


-The Observers give the crew IQ tests. Tom is super-intelligent.

Great!


-Tom becomes an Observer and steals spoons.

Not good.


-A witch is summoned and keeps shape shifting.

Okay.


-Digger Smolken sings the hits.

Great!


-Crow is an imp. Tom yells at Leonard Maltin. Bobo makes a yummy, intelligent, snack.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: The Observers.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: "Stay, Helene." "Go!" "STAY!"




<< >>

807: Terror from the Year 5000

RPM

10.409

Vroom!

B+

Mutant Human(s) : 1958 : Black/White

Andrew's Rank:

54

Mstie Rank:

94

RPM Rank:

17

According to the movie, the future is in shambles. But according to this poster, the future's doing alright for itself. I'll bet in 5000 there still aren't any decent chicken nuggets. Congratulations, doctor. You've turned milk into bowling trophies.
Jimmy Carter has disco fever! Sorry, teenage boys of the 50's. This will have to do.

Characters:

Victor: "Are you thinking of adding Angelo to your string of conquests?"

Prof. Howard Erling

: He's built a time machine of sorts and is getting outside verification from his old friend...

Dr. Bob Hedges

: A leading expert on Carbon-14 dating. He's brought in to verify the age of some peculiar items by...

Claire

: Prof. Erling's daughter. She's anything BUT your typical 50's woman. Her fiance is...

Victor

: Prof. Erling's assistant who also funds the experiements. Very territorial with a short temper.

Angelo

: Grungy house keeper who keeps his eyes wide open for any trouble or attractive women.

Future woman

: She comes bearing a message about the future. She's, quite literally, hot.

Howard: "The future is what we make it."

Mike: "Wait a minute. I'm full of crap."

Movie:
A mysterious package from an old friend arrives in the hands of Dr. Bob Hedges. Inside is a statue of the "Venus de Milo" sort, but much smaller and very futuristic looking. Bob is asked to verify the age of the statue. Twelve hours later, he's frustrated that his math keeps telling him the statue dates to 5200 A.D., as in, 3000 years from now. It's also discovered that the statue is very radioactive. Interested to find out what's going on, he flies to join his friend, Professor Howard Erling, in his lab down in the bayou. He's intercepted by Claire, who sent the statue, tired of having her father ridiculed and frustrated that Bob didn't answer her father's letters. Huh? Bob didn't receive letters. What the heck is going on? Howard is delighted to see Bob, but Victor is not thrilled. That night Victor disposes of a suitcase in the swamp, unaware that Bob is watching. The next day, Howard and Victor show Bob how they can place an item in the machine and watch as it's transformed into another. But, no. It's not transformed. It's Victor and Howard's belief that the machine connects to a future time whose residents trade one of their items for one of ours. So, why are they so radioactive? Bob insists that no more radioactive items be brought back until they understand what they're dealing with. This does NOT sit well with Victor who, between that and Bob becoming EXTREMELY acquainted with Claire, engages Bob in fisticuffs. Victor loses, and is discovered to have radiation burns on his arm. Turns out that he's tried to bring living things back with the machine, and the suitcase contains a dead, deformed cat. While Victor is checking into the hospital, something living appears in the machine, stalks the grounds, and kills Angelo. Victor escapes back to the house and fires up the machine, but is injured. The rest of the group find him and ask that a nurse come to make sure he heals up in bed. She does, but she's not a nurse. She the living thing that came back in time to tell Victor that, because of increased radiation in the future, many mutants are born and she's trying to hypnotize him to come to the future and be "new blood". She's almost successful, but Claire exposes her as a mutant after Victor starts the machine. The woman is sent back to the future alone, Victor is electrocuted, and Howard opines that the future can still be fixed by doing the right thing now. Yay! Fave character: Claire. Let's face it, she knows what she wants and gets results. Also, she knows exactly when to jump off of the Victor bandwagon.

Reflections:

Crow: "Grown men should not wear official 'pajamas'."

I loved this one immediately upon first viewing. I really dug the acting job by the people who played Bob and Claire when they were together and the chemistry between them was totally believable. I also appreciated how this movie had a message, but didn't think it needed to totally blow us away. The machine didn't explode, or send back an army of aliens or mutants or anything. It simply traded items from the future. Nice change of pace.

Bob: "Angelo was doing a little peeping."

Crow: "Keep undressing and I'll show you what he was doing."

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

79
-Tom comfort rates plants, bologna, and Mike.

Classic!!


-Pearl and Bobo fight to the death, per the Observers' commands, but Mike is immune.

Not good.


-The Observers have evolved beyond food, and eat food pills. Mike cooks some up.

Classic!!


-Crow tests Mike's time machine. He spends eleven years with Mike's family and parties with Mike's old girlfriend.

Great!


-The Observers sing "When I Held Your Brain in My Arms."

Okay.


-Mike dials up a date for Crow. Pearl refuses the slay Bobo.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: The Observers.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Angelo is mesmerized (Jimmy Carter has disco fever).




<< >>

808: She Creature

RPM

10.018

Speedy

D-

Mutant Human(s) : 1956 : Black/White : - Box Set #34

Andrew's Rank:

157

Mstie Rank:

171

RPM Rank:

39

"It DID happen?" Somebody hypnotized a beautiful lady only to turn her ugly? What a waste. See She Creature sell seashells.

Characters:


Movie:

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

165
-Crow and Tom get the Thawmaster and Thighmaster mixed up.

Okay.


-Bobo is about to be dissected by the Observers, but the Nanites distract them by destroying the planet.

Okay.


-Crow's Tickle-Me Carlo Lombardi is creepy.

Not good.


-Bobo can't figure out Row Your Boat as Observer laments his planet.

Not good.


-Mike practices NOT acting.

Great!


-What did the end of the movie mean? Observer is ticked at Mike.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Bobo is in pain.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Pretty much ANY scene with the unintelligible butler.




<< >>

809: I Was A Teenage Werewolf

RPM

10.331

Vroom!

D

Mutant Human(s) : 1957 : Black/White

Andrew's Rank:

146

Mstie Rank:

98

RPM Rank:

22

This poster doesn't mess around. It states that this is the best movie EVER! I used to be a werewolf, but the hours were terrible.

Characters:


Movie:

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

64
-Tom moves that Mike be fired as the SOL's captain, but they can't find a replacement.

Classic!!


-Pearl teaches Observer and Bobo to camp.

Okay.


-Crow's proximity indicator is on the wrong setting.

Okay.


-Tom hunts a facehugger, but gets stuck and cries.

Great!


-The crew make omelettes from the alien eggs. Crow complains about the service.

Classic!!


-Mike becomes Adam Duritz to repel an alien. Pearl tells ghost stories.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: People bug me too!




<< >>

810: Giant Spider Invasion

RPM

10.613

Vroom!

A

Alien Invasion : 1975 : Color : - Box Set #10

Andrew's Rank:

18

Mstie Rank:

31

RPM Rank:

10

Sucking!... This is when those giant spiders came over from Great Britain. There goes the last shred of dignity, folks!
Packers! Oh, wait. I'm dead.

Characters:

Ev: "Sometimes the only way I know you're still alive is when I hear you flush the toilet."

Tom: "Yeah, like they have a toilet."

Dr. Charles Vance

: NASA employee who specializes in astro- and metaphysics. He is sent to investigate a meteor crash and assists...

Dr. Jenny Langer

: Local astronomer. She and Vance work with...

Sheriff Jones

: A jolly lawman who understands the locals. It's hard for him to help with the investigation because the meteor is on the farm of...

Dan & Ev Kester

: A very unhappy, adulterous, alcoholic, drug-farming, and greedy couple. They find diamonds in the meteor.

Ev: "There's not a drop of booze left in this house. I just can't stand it. I'm really desperate. Can you bring me something?"

Crow: "This is not the purpose of 911, ma'am."

Movie:
This movie will make you nauseous. Taking place in Wisconsin, a meteor lands in the pasture of Dan Kester, a disgusting character in EVERY sense of the word. The meteor makes every dial and gauge at NASA go haywire, prompting an investigation by Jenny, an astronomer, and Vance (an, umm, what does he do?). They can't seem to find out where the meteor landed before several large spiders emerge from the crater and annoy the town citizens to death. There is one very large spider who stuffs Dan up his butt, and that's even more disgusting. Vance and Jenny roll over each other in the fields and take a break to create a device that will close the wormhole the meteor has opened up. Interesting notes: Look for Alan Hale as the meaty sheriff who thinks he's funny. The guy who plays Dan Kester is actually a dialect expert in Hollywood and trains actors. Fave character: The spider. Even though large and hairy and alien, it is the least disgusting character.

Reflections:

Preacher: "...and there arose a smoke out of the pit as a smoke from a great furnace!"

Mike: "Then add the ribs and cook..."


Movie: (Prostitute reminds Dan that he forgot his back brace.)

Tom: "I don't know how but I just became sterile!"

Crow: "Go spiders! Go spiders! Go go spiders!"

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

147
-Tom is a cheerleader who wants letters. Mike and Crow give him "MRxL".

Great!


-Pearl and crew go camping and find large zucchinis. The SOL is slapstick.

Okay.


-Gypsy is acting weird and tries to get the crew to sleep.

Okay.


-Crow has a long list of things that keep him awake. Bobo attempts to save the universe.

Okay.


-Tom is cloned, and a quiz about his underwear collection is given.

Okay.


-Bobo freaks out and saves everyone. Mike slugs Crow.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Hillbilly raspberry.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Vance and Jenny go for a roll down the hill.




<< >>

811: Parts: The Clonus Horror

RPM

9.813

Speedy

B+

Mutant Human(s) : 1979 : Color : - Box Set #12

Andrew's Rank:

51

Mstie Rank:

43

RPM Rank:

49

Eyes, fingers, and kidneys. Which one is found just below the right breast, again? At least they picked a nice day for filming.

Characters:


Movie:
Peter Graves. Yay! Anyway, we start in a place with a bunch of people with child-like intellects and several guys in blue running suits that appear to be in control. We learn that this is Clonus, a society where people are born and raised having all their needs supplied for them. We also learn that this is a society of clones. But why? One of them escapes in to modern society and tries to find answers. He learns that Clonus breeds clones to be unknowing organ donors for their original counterparts. He is mad and tries to retaliate, but only succeeds in getting his clone and brother killed, two old people blown up, his girlfriend back at Clonus a lobotomy, and himself chopped up into donatable organs. However, his running around somehow resulted in a newspaper getting a hold of a video tape labeled, "Clonus". Hmmm! This movie was a good idea, but poorly executed. Funny note: Our main character finds a beer can labeled 'made in Milwaukee' and the Clonus directors tell him that the beer can is a naturally occurring element. Oh, how I wish that were true. Fave character: Peter Graves just because he is.

Reflections:

Love is kind and tender and delicate. The gentle pleasures of two people connecting in love are many. Love is a sort of gossamer beauty. But ignore it! Thankfully we've moved beyond that nonsense!

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

35
-Mike has a 'stache and the bots approve! Sort of.

Classic!!


-The Space Children appear and cause havoc.

Okay.


-Pearl and Observer play Candyland (Chocolate Lake is Brainguy's own personal Hell) and Bobo gets a baseball in the "upper thigh".

Great!


-Pearl needs the electronic babysitter so Mike and the Bots provide various educational programs. Agua!

Classic!!


-The Evils teach the kids the facts of life in three very different ways.

Classic!!


-Crow has a TINY nose. Tom wakes the sleeping Space Children.

Not good.


-

Stinger

: Sure!
-

Andrew's Stinger

: A post-lobotomy Dana stares into your soul.




<< >>

812: Creatures Who Stopped Living...

RPM

10.643

Vroom!

D

Mutant Human(s) : 1963 : Color : - Box Set #9

Andrew's Rank:

139

Mstie Rank:

37

RPM Rank:

9

I'm impressed that they got the whole title on there. If Wheel of Fortune did this title, they'd go bankrupt.

Characters:

Madam Estrella

: A carnival fortune teller on the outside, but on the inside she's a vengeful hypnotist with a passion for turning men into deformed zombies. Yikes! Her right-hand man is...

Ortega

: It’s not clear if he himself is a zombie, or just someone who shares Estrella’s "hobby".

Carmelita

: A very attractive sideshow stripper and sister of Estrella. She uses her "gifts" to lure men to her sister, including...

Jerry

: Just your average carnival fan who doesn't hide the fact he REALLY wants to see Carmelita strip from...

Marge and Harold

: Marge is Jerry's girlfriend and Harold is a mush-mouthed foreign friend.

The Carnival

: It's just as much a character as anyone else, so I am required to list it here.

Movie:
We start with a boozy Madam Estrella getting into an argument with an even boozier elderly gentleman. He's a repeat customer, but draws the line at giving Estrella some sweet lovin', which she doesn't like at all. Enter Ortega to rough up the non-lover and hold him down until Estralla can uncork and mysterious bottle and douse his face. Then, we see a lady dance, and get scolded by her boss afterwards for being drunk. This is our introduction to the carnival. Remember it well, because we'll be back there only a million or so times. Then we see Jerry and Harold trying to decide what to do. Why not pick up Marge and go to the carnival? They do, much to the chagrin of Marge's mother. They frolic in the sand and ride some rides before making their way over to Madam Estrella's, only to see the drunk dancer flee in terror after being told she will die. Interest piqued, the three decide to check it out. Estrella has good news for Marge, but very bad news for Jerry, which he doesn't like. They leave and Jerry makes locked-eye contact with Carmelita, whom Jerry MUST see strip, much to Marge's disliking. Harold agrees to take Marge home, leaving Jerry to watch the show solo. Ortega delivers Jerry a note that Carmelita would like to see him in her dressing room after the show. Oops! Her dressing room is actually the entrance to a hypnotism room operated by Madam Estrella. Very trippy things happen and Jerry doesn't look so good. Then, more dancing and singing- BOOM! A dancer is killed by an unknown assassin! More trippyness before Jerry awakens in his bed. He makes himself feel better by going to apologize to Marge, but a hypnotic rage sets in and he instead tries to strangle her, mistaking her for the dead dancer. He stops, and heads back to the carnival for answers. He instead is hypnotized (again) by Estrella, but this time she hits him with some acid, turning him into a zombie. She tries to put him into a cage, but the other zombies escape. They run rampant through the carnival, killing people before being gunned down by police. Harold and Marge show up just in time to see Jerry escape. Marge, Harold, and the police chase after him. He is shot by an officer and dies on the beach. Fave character: Marge and Harold. Maybe they'll hook up now that their friend/murderous other is dead.

Reflections:

Honestly, I haven't seen this one much. I watched it for the first time for Project: Riff and hadn't seen it since, until I decided to finish its review. If I might be candid, I don't see what so many Msties see in this episode. Others rank it very high, but I just don't get it. The movie is depressing, boring, and scary, but not charmingly so. I actually prefer some of the dancing/singing acts to the movie itself. Seriously. I've seen this movie twice, which is enough for a long time, but I can't get enough of "Shook Outa Shape". That's not a good sign. The riffs were plenty, and often great, but there were way too many repeats, mostly concerning Harold's unintelligibility, or the Ticket Monkey.

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

139
-Tom and Crow take pledges for a walkathon. The acronyms are quite long.

Okay.


-Pearl returns the space children to their parents. Bobo and Observer report from the planet surface.

Okay.


-Tom and Crow read Mike's aura to steal $0.50.

Great!


-Mike gets his hair done by Shelly the Nanite.

Okay.


-Ortega puts on a buffet for the SOL, but offs himself when Mike insults him.

Great!


-Mike rides the bots' roller coaster and gets hurt. Pearl is rid of the kids.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Whatdythinkwecameherefortoeat?




<< >>

813: Jack Frost

RPM

9.825

Speedy

A

Fantasy : 1965 : Color : - Box Set #18

Andrew's Rank:

19

Mstie Rank:

12

RPM Rank:

48

For a movie that's in color, they could've made the poster a bit more attractive. You don't know Jack Frost. Bite me, wok head.
Do I crap in the woods? You just got yourself a big sled-load of whoop-ass, Frost.

Characters:

Mike: "So the first plot point involves knitting socks. I think we're in for QUITE a ride, guys!"

Ivan

: Our pretty boy hero who learns many lessons about niceness and humility. He woos and rescues his fiance...

Nastya

: An adorable young woman who lives under the tyrannical rule of her...

Stepsister Marfushka and Stepmother

: Simultaneously evil and dopey. Stepmother wants physically and mentally unattractive Marfushka to marry before cupie doll Nastya, which isn't working too well. They both ridicule...

Father

: Nastya's kind-hearted dad. He refuses to abandon his daughter.

Hunchback Fairy & Father Mushroom

: Two sprites that help Ivan to save Nastya. Father Mushroom is very kind but Hunchback Fairy is a little more on the evil side.

Jack Frost

: He makes sure that all of the trees are flocked and the landscape is snow-covered. He's pure good, but his magic scepter is a force to be reckoned with.

Tom: "So this movie teaches us that marriage is a dizzying existential ride to nowhere."

Mike: "Or that niceness is fun."

Movie:
I'll do my best to spell the character names from this Russo-Finnish fantasy. A young girl, Nastya, and her father live under the iron-fisted rule of her evil stepmother. Nastya is so cute you want to slam your finger in a car door. This is not good for the stepmother's real daughter (real snooty and real ugly) who wants to be married so bad that she demands that Nastya's father take Nastya out to the woods to be left for dead (why the hell did mom and pop get married?!). Meanwhile, our hero, Ivan, who is in love with Nastya after meeting her in the woods once and proposing marriage on the spot, learns a hard lesson about his brash arrogance by being turned into a bear by Father Mushroom. Stay with me. Meanwhile, Jack Frost, a real-live Santa Clause-type man, finds Nastya freezing in the woods and takes her to his icy cabin. Nastya somehow manages to warm up just in time to touch Jack Frost's magic scepter and be frozen solid forever. Ivan eventually finds her and wakes her up and he and Nastya go back to her father's house, announce their engagement, proudly display their box of precious gems Jack gave them for their wedding, and publicly humiliate their step-relatives. So the good people win, the bad people lose, and a lawsuit is pending against Jack Frost for negligent scepter storage. Fave character: Jack Frost. I wish I had his job and could withstand freezing weather.

Reflections:

Crow: "If Disappearing Elf Hide-and-Seek were in the Olympics, Finland would be in great shape."

Perhaps I rate this one so high because it makes me think of "The Day the Earth Froze". Nonetheless, this episode has enough goofiness of its own and the riffs are very good. Enshrinement ease: Easy.

Mike: "You just got yourself a big sled-load of whoop-ass, Frost."

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

142
-Gypsy watches the guys perform Lord of the Dance!

Classic!!


-Pearl is gone and Observer and Bobo bicker.

Not good.


-Yakov Smirnoff discusses the social implications of "Jack Frost" with the crew.

Okay.


-Crow has been turned into a bear. Observer and Bobo talk behind Pearl's back.

Okay.


-A butcher from New England discusses the social implications of "Jack Frost" with the crew.

Okay.


-Tom attempts to be as cute as Nastya, but no one understands his cute lingo.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: The evil stepsister accosts "Jack Frost".
-

Andrew's Stinger

: The evil stepsister cracks nuts by hitting her own jaw and spitting out the shells.




<< >>

814: Riding With Death

RPM

9.245

Steady

A

Cops/Spies : 1976 : Color : - Box Set #36

Andrew's Rank:

21

Mstie Rank:

18

RPM Rank:

83

The pictures on the right are from a brochure titled, "How to Disappear When Being Assaulted". Nope, just riding with slight abrasions at the moment. Wahooooo!!!
Hello? The Elusive Robert Denby speaking.

Characters:

Agent Sam Casey

: Works for the intelligence agency "Intersect". He's super-reliable, super-mellow, and wears all denim to work. His civilian partner is...

Buffalo Billy Joe Higgins

: Pure hillbilly. He gives up his semi-truck driving career for stock car racing. An invaluable asset to Sam as he saves Sam's life at the hands of...

Dr. Hale

: The inventor of a fuel saving additive, but sells the rights for $10 million and tries to fake his own death.

Robert Denby

: Super criminal who's very elusive. He's the nemesis of...

Leonard Driscoll

: Intersect director. He treats Sam like a problem child, but goes easy on him anyway.

Abby

: Another Intersect agent. She and Sam may just have some romantic connection.

Tina

: AKA "Cupcake". She's Bill's fiance who is secretly keeping tabs on he and Sam because she works for Denby.

Movie:
Catchy title but uncatchy movie which is actually two episodes of a failed 70's TV show slammed together with some terrible voice-overs in an attempt to sell it as a single movie. The movie stars Ben Murphy as a secret agent of sorts who must thwart a scientist's attempt to destroy his OWN gasoline- conserving formula in one scene and win a stock car race to keep the car from blowing up and killing dozens of stock car fans in the other. Ben Murphy's personification of everything 70's is really the only thing worth mentioning about this movie, other than Jim Stafford's admittedly good portrayal of Buffalo Billy Joe Higgins, the guy with no butt. Evil Bob Denby is played by Ed Nelson who played a good guy in 701: Night o/t Bloodbeast. Fave character: Buffalo Bill, YAHOO!!!!

Reflections:

This was one of the first episodes I saw when I came back from my hiatus. The riffs may not have been very plentiful, but the quality is good and the movie itself is a blast. Enshrinement ease: Took some thought but I've seen this on a lot.

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

51
-Mike is a Japanese chef and cooks Crow's hand.

Classic!!


-The Evils are under attack and seek help from Mike, who destroys the entire planet.

Okay.


-Tom sings a song about the 70's, give or take 1,900 years.

Great!


-Tom's a trucker with no butt.

Great!


-Crow is "Turkey Volume Guessing Man", but Mike bests him.

Great!


-The crew role play, in vain, to understand the movie. Pearl gets decorated.

Great!


-

Stinger

: Buffalo Bill gets excited.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Truck robber reaches for a gun hanging in the air and gets punched.




<< >>

815: Agent from H.A.R.M.

RPM

8.896

Steady

D+

Cops/Spies : 1965 : Color : - Box Set #33

Andrew's Rank:

127

Mstie Rank:

72

RPM Rank:

104

Outer space? Which movie are they talking about? I'd rather be a l.o.v.e. agent.

Characters:

Adam Chance

: Special agent who works for the intelligence outfit "h.a.r.m." He is protecting...

Dr. Stefanik

: He's working on an antidote for a deadly spore found in a meteor. His niece is...

Ava

: Baby-faced and naive and yet also deep and deadly.

Basil

: Stefanik's old boss, who doesn't like the doctor's defection.

Movie:
Two men are running from a soldier. Who are they? One is doctor Stefanik whose "friend" is helping him escape. The "friend" is no friendly and, after a scuffle, dies with green goo eating his skin. As it turns out, Stefanik is researching a deadly spore that arrived on a meteor. His boss wants to use it for world domination. Stefanik doesn't, so he's escaping to America and seeking H.A.R.M.'s protection so that he can work on an antidote with the aid of his long lost niece, Ava. Enter Adam Chance to offer his services. He has his hands full as the bad guys are already mixing up huge batches of spore and desperately want to stop the doctor from making an antidote. Matters aren't helped by Ava, who always seems to be hijacking Adam's plans. Surprise, surprise: Stefanik is kidnapped. Adam goes to save him and Basil is killed with, you guessed it, the deadly spore, but not by Adam. Stefanik has injected himself with spore antidote and subjects himself to spore to kill Basil. However, the antidote puts the taker in suspended animation and Stefanik is mistaken for dead. Adam tries to tell the morgue they made a mistake, except they really didn't because the spore takes over the doctor's body and he IS dead. Wait, what? So, there's still a deadly spore on the planet with no antidote. At least Adam can still hang out with Ava, right? No! She was working for the bad guys and tricked Stefanik into thinking she was his niece. She pledges her love for Adam but he puts his hormones in check and lets H.A.R.M. take her into custody. Fave character: Eva. No suggestive name, but hot hot hot!

Reflections:

In general, I disapprove of the idea of completely ignoring a target movie when it comes to an episode's host segments. However, I give MST3K a pass for this episode as it has zero "Wow!" factor that even James Bond clones are supposed to have. I think Mike's trial was a bit overdone and it's not that I don't think they couldn't've come up with something neat that played off of the movie. But... there just wasn't much there.

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

93
-Crow and Tom are EXTREME! Mike is EXTREME about rice.

Classic!!


-Mike is on trial for destroying planets. Bobo is his defender.

Okay.


-Bobo uses the panty defense for Mike, and thinks of lunch.

Great!


-Crow gives a very explicit video deposition.

Great!


-Observer gives a dramatic testimony against Mike, but lies about apple pie.

Okay.


-Mike gets off with community service.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Spaz chop!
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Adam drinks from a testtube.




<< >>

816: Prince of Space

RPM

8.052

Slow

C

Alien Invasion : 1959 : Black/White : - Box Set #7

Andrew's Rank:

96

Mstie Rank:

4

RPM Rank:

139

When the words "classic" and "forgotten" are together, I guarantee one isn't true. So, who's the King fo Space?

Characters:


Movie:

Reflections:

The "Sylvan Glenn" host segment is surreal as it's the ONLY host segment filmed outside. Think about that for a second. Of all the things MST3K host segments have done over the years, they've never gone outside. Also, with the exception of the final segment of 1013: Diabolik, it's the only segment concerning the crew that isn't set in the SOL. It's a weird feeling. And now, a longer reflection...

Crow: "Mike, we were playing "Dog and Bear", you know? And Servo was chasing me and I ran panicked over logs and through streams, maddened with primal terror, you know? And I turned and raked my deadly claws against his howling snout, you know? And I rose to my hind feet, towering, and still bellowing he came and I muled and spewed gore from my wounds and snot from my flaring wild maw. And and and then we were locked like lovers. And and and then I was engirdled by moiled spotted hound bodies and my entrails were hanging out and I TRIED a savage feral roar but alas my force was spent and I died. Then Servo took it too far."
Tom: "I guess that's about right, but what's too far when your entrails are spilling out? I mean where's the line?"

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

113
-Tom and Crow play "Dog & Bear" which Crow eloquently explains.

Classic!!


-Bobo gets sucked through a wormhole, so Pearl and the SOL follow.

Okay.


-The wormhole cause weird time shifts.

Okay.


-Mike is transformed into a puppet, whom Tom and Crow can't take seriously.

Great!


-The crew are now in a forest.

Okay.


-Krankor visits, but slinks away in fear. Pearl and Observer end up in Roman Times.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Krankor enjoys a good laugh.




<< >>

817: Horror of Party Beach

RPM

9.177

Steady

A-

Mutant Beast(s) : 1963 : Black/White

Andrew's Rank:

35

Mstie Rank:

30

RPM Rank:

89

Is there a big market for "horror monster musicals"? The horror of party beach is Cindy's cheese dip. Get your hot dogs!
Just go size up, Mike. And no dancing!

Characters:

Mike: "(As Elaine) I don't like slumber parties now that I'm in my 40's."

Hank

: Hunky preppy who is unhappy with his current girlfriend's drinking and man chasing. Through the trials of monster hunting, he is brought closer to...

Elaine

: A daddy's girl who secretly has a crush on Hank. Her father is...

Dr. Gavin

: Hank's mentor and scientist. He and Hank discover how the monsters were created, but have to credit the discovery of their weakness to...

Eulabelle

: Voodoo practicing Christian and maid of the Gavin family.

The Monsters

: Created when a nuclear waste barrel dumped into the ocean pops its seal and spills on a human skull.

The Del-Aires

: The beach band with a rich sound sans instrument cords or amps.

Tom: "Enough touching. That's enough!"

Crow: "There must be five car lengths between couples."

Movie:
Yet another monster movie, this one from the 1960's. It starts off, appropriately enough, at Party Beach, where scantly clad youths dance to a band with rich sound, but no guitar amps. The nearby nuclear plant dumps waste into the ocean, causing a human skull to morph into a walking fish with hotdogs coming from it's mouth. Uh huh. Elaine, the oldest teenager ever, boyfriend, hunky Hank, and Elaine's father decide to investigate the recent murders in the area and blame the monsters for it. But how to kill them? They discover that sodium (a metal that reacts violently with water, kids) can do the job since the monsters come from the sea. They kill the monsters, Hank and Elaine, aroused by burning monster flesh and unspeakable carnage, smooch, and people can once again party on the beach. Fave character: The biker dude at the beginning. He gets beaten in a fight, but still respects his opponent.

Reflections:

Crow: "Take a right on Monster Killing Girls Road".

The first portion of this movie is just... weird. The title suggests a horror movie, but all we get is music, insanely choreographed beach dancing, and these weird little extremely forced cut scenes with rampant innuendo. Also, I can't help but wonder what the people in the background of the beach scenes are thinking. Did they know what was going on or did they think they were in a big time movie? Also, sometimes the best riffs are not riffs, but simple reactions. Near the end of the movie, Elaine walks with pain on a bad ankle. However, if you close your eyes and just listen (and have a little bit of a gutter-brain) the scene takes on a WHOLE new meaning. Mike and the bots' mildly shocked reactions point you in the direction you need to go in for uncontrollable giggling.

Crow: "First you deny the grief, then PARTY!"

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

99
-Tom harmonizes with the universe by chanting.

Okay.


-The Romans think the crew are gods.

Okay.


-Mike's swim suit is VERY snug, especially when he dances.

Classic!!


-Observer is fitting right in, but Pearl must prove her music gifts.

Not good.


-Tom is selling up-to-date newspapers.

Okay.


-The crew sing a song about sodium. Pearl and Flavia try to kill each other.

Classic!!


-

Stinger

: Stringy guy jiggles on the beach.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Eliaine is helped back to the car with a bad ankle, but the audio suggests something else is happening.




<< >>

818: Devil Doll

RPM

8.068

Slow

D+

Horror : 1963 : Black/White : - Box Set #19

Andrew's Rank:

134

Mstie Rank:

79

RPM Rank:

137

This is a rare instance where the movie is creepier than the poster. Barbie's back and this time it's personal!

Characters:


Movie:

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

17
-It's Friday, so it's time to open the window and party!

Great!


-Crow needs Debbie!, so he punches a window in for her. Pearl throws a pants party.

Classic!!


-Crow buys some Devil Dolls, but Mike blows the deal.

Great!


-Tom and Crow start a pub. The ale has a LOT of body.

Classic!!


-Crow places Tom's soul in a toaster strudel, but denies he's evil.

Great!


-Mike's a dummy, and Crow hurls insults. Bobo kills a lion.

Great!


-

Stinger

: Hugo is alive!




<< >>

819: Invasion o/t Neptune Men

RPM

8.440

Slow

D

Alien Invasion : 1961 : Black/White

Andrew's Rank:

144

Mstie Rank:

55

RPM Rank:

126

I don't know Japanese, but somewhere on here it says "space". They probably just want to borrow a cup of sugar.

Characters:


Movie:

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

77
-Tom and Crow are disgusted by eyelash mites.

Okay.


-The Nanites wage war on Mike's eyelash mites, but are wiped out. Bobo is the Mad Goth and his statue is nude.

Great!


-Mike likes Noh theater. So, why doesn't Mike like theater?

Great!


-Tom has Rogy Panty Complex.

Great!


-Krankor visits and cheers everyone up.

Classic!!


-Crow reads suggestions for Japan. Pearl accidentally cures Bobo. He's not the Mad Goth.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Geeky kid screams, falls, and inquires.




<< >>

820: Space Mutiny

RPM

9.492

Speedy

A+

Space Travel : 1987 : Color : - Box Set #4

Andrew's Rank:

6

Mstie Rank:

1

RPM Rank:

65

Diarrhea is like a storm raging within. I'm glad to see the floor buffers got some credit on the poster. There is nowhere to hide from the enemy within!
Kalgan lights up the world with his smile. Big McLargehuge This is my daughter Leah. We're about the same age.
He's gonna have sooo much sex with your daughter! Finally, Christmas comes to Santa. Ahhhhh! (Well, I got that out of my system.)

Characters:

Mike as Cmd. Jansen: "I don't know if this helps, but Ho Ho Ho."

Dave Ryder

: Our buffed up hero. He's a spaceship fighter pilot who comes under attack and loses his dignitary passenger before landing. However, his leadership, intelligence, and meatiness impress...

Commander Jansen

: Wise and jolly old commander of the Southern Sun. He does all he can to quell the mutiny and rescue his daughter...

Leah

: Older-looking but still manages to get with Dave. She's firmly set in her ways and can take care of herself but still manages to get abducted by...

Kalgan

: He's the leader of the ship's on-board military who plans the mutiny. He's evil, cunning, delusional with greed, and enjoys a good laugh.

The Bellarians

: A group of mysterious priestesses who seduce the ship's crew and kill people.

Crow: "You get a bunch of women together it's either witchery or a wedding shower."

Movie:
I kind of lost track of MST3K after season five and this is the first episode I saw after my little break. I am glad I chose this one because it's great! The future depicted in this movie may very well have become a reality if not for the 1990's coming along and putting an abrupt stop to the 80's. The title very accurately describes what goes on here. Our futuristic fighter pilot and flight commander, Dave, runs into some problems landing his craft, killing his passenger, a vague character simply called "Professor Spooner". Hmm. Dave survives via a Star-Treky looking beam-down procedure that saves only the pilot in case of an emergency and not his passengers. Hmmmm. And it isn't long before Dave gets smoochy with Leah, the daughter of the ship's commander and girlfriend of the deceased professor. Hmmmmmm. Together, they discover a plot brewing amongst the ship's on-board militia to take over the ship, land on a nearby planet, and rule it because they're sick of being in space. John Philip Law is the ever-grimacing militia leader, Kalgan (Calgon?!?!), who spends hours chasing Dave around the ship while they shoot at each other. Eventually, Dave and Kalgan play chicken with golf carts, Dave yells, Kalgan dies. Or does he? There's also some odd subplot concerning some women who dance around electricity balls you get at Spencer's Gifts, seduce men, and have at least some control over who dies on the ship. Fave character: Kalgan. Hey, who DOESN'T want to set their feet upon a real world and accumulate wealth and power beyond their wildest dreams?

Reflections:

Mike: "Their spaceship is a huge basement."

This is the first episode I saw after a lengthy hiatus from the show. It officially turned me into a full-fledged die-hard Mstie. Enshrinement ease: Easy.

Tom: "It would seem to me that randomly blowing up things is NOT a good idea in space."

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

128
-Mike's encyclopedias list Stonehenge as "under construction".

Great!


-The bots gripe about Mike's new encyclopedias. The Evils are in prison.

Not good.


-Mike has tea while the bots dogfight in spacecrafts, destroying the bridge.

Classic!!


-Crow decides he's a Bellarian. Bobo fails his escape attempt.

Okay.


-Safety conscious Tom installs safety railings all over.

Okay.


-Tom bulks up, but Crow just can't. The Evils escape, burning Rome in the process.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Our hero yells, then jumps.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Leah zips up her top and asks David, "What took ya' so long?"




<< >>

821: Time Chasers

RPM

8.081

Slow

A

Futuristic/Apocalyptic : 1990 : Color : - Box Set #5

Andrew's Rank:

20

Mstie Rank:

9

RPM Rank:

135

We know a related colloquialism, and darnit we're gonna use it! It's convenient that the world will end at 1:37 so it's after the lunch rush. I like my Time with two rocks.
Trust me! Lisa, I never went to Castleton.

Characters:

Nick

: The inventor of low tech and low cost time travel. A genius who manages to still be a tad dumb as he sells the rights to a major corporation headed by...

J.K. Robertson

: Evil CEO who abuses the time machine and turns the future into an anarchy. His right-hand man is...

Matt

: He does whatever JK tells him, but draws the line at killing.

Lisa

: A reporter sent to cover the time travel story and document the project. She and Nick fall in love on one of their many time jumping dates. She doesn't trust JK at all and is ignored by Nick when she

Movie:
The VHS case for this movie is almost as funny as the movie as an MST3K episode. It claims that the movie is the winner of some award at some insignificant film festival. It also features our heroine posing while holding a gun, which she NEVER does in the movie. Anyway, Nick, who doesn't appear all that smart not only discovers time travel, but also manages to fit all of the complex calculations for such onto a 5.25" floppy disk and decides that the best vehicle for time traveling is a single-engine plane. He uses his wonderful invention for wooing a girl and sells the rights to the most corrupt inventor-assisting firm in the world. Needless to say, the CEO uses the plane to turn the future to shambles which the couple discover on one of their many time-warping make-out sessions. They chase the CEO through time, eventually doing battle in the midst of the Revolutionary War. Here's where it gets confusing. Everyone dies, but the movie ends with Nick meeting his girlfriend at the grocery store anyway. What?!?! Fave character: Evil CEO J.K. Robertson.

Reflections:

This one gets better with age and is the only time travel movie on MST3K. At the time I'm writing this, there is a rumored sequel to this film that I seriously doubt would be happening if not for MST3K. Enshrinement ease: Took some thought but it's uniqueness put it over the hump.

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

154
-Mike says "Lost in Space" and the bots grant his wish.

Okay.


-Mike and Pearl discuss her evilness.

Not good.


-Crow convinces 1985 Mike to give up temping.

Great!


-Crow returns to the SOL and Mike's mean brother Eddie is there.

Okay.


-Crow convinces 1985 Crow to not convince Mike to give up temping.

Great!


-The bots want to play "Gilligan's Island" but Mike doesn't.

Not good.


-

Stinger

: Upset villain has the least private CEO office ever.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Nick opens the door of JK's plane, gets punched, falls, and JK escapes.




<< >>

822: Overdrawn at the Memory Bank

RPM

7.259

Snail

A

Futuristic/Apocalyptic : 1983 : Color : - Box Set #4

Andrew's Rank:

27

Mstie Rank:

15

RPM Rank:

160

Never a good sign when you reference another movie on your movie's poster. Using both "mind" and "body" doesn't guarantee I want to see your movie. Ha ha ha...
It's a Raul-bix Cube!

Characters:

Mike: "I didn't want to bungle or bobble the Fingal doppel."

Aram Fingal

: A troubled man who's sick of the everyday routine. His low work productivity warrants mandatory rehabilitation monitored by...

Apollonia James

: A tech at the rehabilitation facility. She's intrigued and threatened by Fingal when his session goes awry and Fingal starts causing chaos in the Novicorp mainframe.

The Fat Man

: Aptly named chairman of Novicorp who joins Fingal in the mainframe in an attempt to kill him.

Crow: "Where do you wanna go today? All over this movie.

Movie:
This is a fun little "made for public television" movie that starts off fine, but then gets so confusing it hurts. The great Raul Julia plays Aram Fingal, a weather station data monitor in a futuristic society. He has trouble concentrating on his work and watches movies on company time, much to the chagrin of his bosses. He is sent to rehab via a process call "Doppelling" in which the complete contents of your brain is copied to a computer and imprinted on the brain of an animal. But something goes wrong and Aram's mind is let loose in the mainframe, where he wreaks all kinds of havoc programming and reprogramming the Lexicorp computer and living out his wildest fantasies, mainly from "Casablanca". Doppel worker Apollonia connects with Aram in an attempt to keep him under control but to no avail. They finally manage to get Aram back into his body, but not before he completely rearranges everyone's salary and bank accounts and hoses the Lexicorp mainframe. Aram and Apollonia fall in love and he erases their identities. The end. The futuristic babble is hilarious, which is good because the movie is so confusing you need a good laugh. Fave character: Aram. He sticks it to the man!

Reflections:

Tom: "Bite my five and a quarter floppy."

I never knew how much I liked Raul Julia until it was too late. He absolutely OWNED his role of Gomez in "The Addams Family" movies and I thought he was perfect for the role of M. Bison in "Street Fighter", until I realized how much toll his illness had already taken on his body. All of that being said, his appearance in this movie is a pleasure. The mind-numbing weirdness of this movie would have been too much, had Raul not been there to provide a calming presence.

Fat Man: "Fingal's accessed again!"

Mike: "And I want more butter on my ham!"

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

60
-Crow has a new catchphrase "You know you want me baby!"

Okay.


-Pearl's running a pledge drive on her public television station.

Classic!!


-Tom and Crow order a monkey, which is threatened by Mike.

Okay.


-For the pledge drive, Pearl sings a song about loving lovers, with surprise guest, Observer!

Classic!!


-Tom is doppled down to bully the Nanites, but he's a bit smaller than he wanted.

Great!


-Bobo talks the monkey down, but Mike tranquilizes them both. Pearl counts her loot.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Fingal inquires about his nuts.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Apollonia says, "Now he's started playing around with himself!"