Season Nine: The Beginning of the End

The rumor mill once again turned as Season Nine began as there were only thirteen shows on the schedule. However, it wasn't apparent that the show was losing steam as show quality stayed about the same and even rose starting mid-season. Also, the return of shorts was a very welcome event.


Season Rank and Reflections

Andrew's Rank:

# 7

Mstie Rank:

# 4
Season Nine gets the tiebreaker over Season Ten because it has one more enshrined show and the two shorts were decent as well. This season seems like feast or famine to me. I have four shows in my top #50, then nothing until #90. The host segments took a real beating too. It started back in Season Eight, but they just weren't what they were, say, in Season Four or Five.


RPMs (Riffs Per Minute)

RPMs stayed good for the first few shows, but starting with show 904: Werewolf they took a nosedive, falling by ~.5 every week. This pulled the average down from ~8.5 to ~7.4. Fortunately, this would be the final time RPMs were so low as the rest of the season, and the series, recovered nicely.



5.389 11.563 901 902 903 904 905 906 907 908 909 910 911 912 913


Andrew's Enshrined & Choice Eps

Mstie Enshrined & Choice Eps

# 7 - 904: Werewolf
# 16 - 911: Devil Fish
# 37 - 903: Puma Man

# 2 - 904: Werewolf
# 5 - 910: Final Sacrifice
# 6 - 903: Puma Man
# 32 - 908: Touch of Satan
# 35 - 907: Hobgoblins


RPM Top 44

Mstie Bottom 44

# 172 - 906: Space Children
# 163 - 901: Projected Man
# 149 - 909: Gorgo
# 142 - 911: Devil Fish
# 141 - 913: Quest o/t Delta Knights



Excellence Explained - Why the Good is Good

904: Werewolf - -

Andrew's Rank: #7

-

Mstie Rank: #2


I think Msties latched on to this one for several reasons. First, other than it's a good old-fashioned Werewolf movie, with a little spin on the standard story. Third, and I know I usually say that star power is good for a movie, but the lack of star power (other than Mstie fave Joe Estevez) is really what drives this film. All of the characters look and feel believable (a rarity for an Mst3k film) but the actors, specifically their poor English, are so bad that the film itself is laughable. Surround all of that with some great host segments, including the classic "Where O Werewolf" song, and you have one of the best shows of the series.

903: Puma Man - -

Andrew's Rank: #37

-

Mstie Rank: #6


While this one just barely made my list of faves, Msties ranked it substantially higher. As one of the rare super hero movies in the Mst3k library, this one certainly stands out as far as genre is concerned. That being said, it stands out even farther as we learn that the Puma Man is not your typical hero, but one whose sole purpose is to protect the Aztec people, and his Aztec mentor has more super hero potential in his left arm than Puma Man has in hole body. It also stands out from a riff standpoint as riff frequency had really dropped off since 820: Space Mutiny making the RPM for this one relatively high. There's also some minor star power thanks to Donald Pleasence.


Defending My Classics

911: Devil Fish -

Andrew's Rank: #16

-

Mstie Rank: #142


Personally, I'm a bit of a waterbug, so any movie that concerns the ocean is going to get extra points with me. The RPMs are pretty poor (which I attribute to the "intricate" storyline of the movie to), but the quality of the riffing is top-notch! It has a good number of running gags what with the European Floridians and the ugly guy. Also, this was a time in the series where outstanding host segments were hard to come by, and this episode has three classic segments and two great ones.


Available on - 10 episodes - 77%

901: Projected Man

Box Set #30

907: Hobgoblins

Box Set #8

911: Devil Fish

Box Set #19

902: Phantom Planet

Box Set #8

908: Touch Satan

Box Set #5

912: Screaming Skull

Box Set #31

903: Puma Man

Box Set #29

909: Gorgo

Box Set #28

904: Werewolf

Box Set #13

910: Final Sacrifice

Box Set #17





<< >>

901: Projected Man

RPM

8.253

Slow

D+

Mutant Human(s) : 1966 : Color : - Box Set #30

Andrew's Rank:

132

Mstie Rank:

163

RPM Rank:

131

Why stop at a billion. Why not a kajillion? He's not bad, he's just projected that way.

Characters:

Tom: "Just because you show us a projector doesn't convince us there IS a projected man."

Dr. Steiner

: Scientist who has perfected teleportation, AKA "projection", much to the chagrin of...

Dr. Blanchard

: Scientific institute curator who's to the point of employing sabotage so that Steiner fails.

Dr. Mitchell

: Steiner's loyal assistant, but under pressure from Blanchard to keep Steiner on the ropes.

Dr. Hill

: Blonde pathologist and old flame of Steiner's. She's brought in to find out why living things don't survive projection.

Dr. Lembach

: Steiner's influential friend whom Steiner must impress.

Dr. Steiner: "Yesterday, I achieved my first projection of a living creature."

Crow: "You're drinking it."

Movie:
The genuine British accents in this movie can't counteract the uncoolness of the rest of it. Not really a bad premise, but it quickly falls into the B- movie category. Doctor Steiner has invented a teleportation device that converts matter in pure energy and vice versa. He arranges a demonstration for a top British scientist, Dr. Lembach, but the demonstration goes awry. Steiner and his assistants discover it was sabotage and suspect the scientific institute's curator who doesn't like Steiner at all. Steiner is furious and plots to teleport himself into the curator's house, who is having a reception for Lembach. Instead of using his normal assistants, Steiner uses his secretary for the demonstration. Surprise, she messes up and half of Steiner's body is horribly deformed AND electrically charged. He goes on a killing rampage before organizing himself and going after the evil curator. He is almost talked into giving up and returning to the lab where his assistants will try to fix him, but when he returns, he blows the place up and kills himself. Really an interesting movie, but just lacks. Fave character: Assistant Dr. Hill. Intelligent, hot, and British.

Reflections:

Mike: "Let's project the HELL out of this rat!"

Mike and the bots have some VERY funny host segments, but it's a shame that Pearl can't uphold her end of the bargain. I don't find myself caring about her ancestral home or the Forrester lineage. Fortunately, that only lasts for this episode.

Dr. Mitchell: "I still don't understand."

Mike: "(As Dr. Blanchard) Don't make me go to the larder and unseal a tin of whoop-ass."

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

132
-The SOL wormholes back to Earth, complete with Ethan Hawke movies.

Okay.


-Pearl is mysteriously drawn to her ancestral home.

Not good.


-Tom and Crow 'project' Mike's prized possessions.

Classic!!


-The crew try to convinces Lembach to stay. He doesn't.

Great!


-Crow kills Mike with his 'Touch of Death'.

Not good.


-Tom and Crow compete for grants from Mike's scientific institute.

Great!


-

Stinger

: Lembach is staying!




<< >>

902: Phantom Planet

RPM

8.746

Slow

C

Space Travel : 1961 : Black/White : - Box Set #8

Andrew's Rank:

108

Mstie Rank:

86

RPM Rank:

115

I don't think I want to see ANY shrinkage. Cute little clouds. Nice little clouds.

Characters:


Movie:
This is a neat little movie concerning space travel and contact with alien beings who look EXACTLY like humans except they are a fraction the size. Frank is the lucky guy who goes looking for a spaceship that crashed into a meteor that came from nowhere. Frank crashes on the meteor and sees tiny humans. Within a few minutes he starts to shrink to their size. This is explained as the air on the planet being different the earth air. Frank is taken to the old yet wise leader who forbids Frank to leave for fear of being found by more humans or the tiny race's arch nemeses, Solarites. During his stay on the planet, Frank learns that the alien people have mastered the universe's gravitational forces which they use to move and defend their planet. The old guy also has two daughters and offers Frank one of them as incentive to stay. The daughter, however, is already seeing Herron, so Herron wants to help Frank escape. Frank falls in love with Zetha, the untaken daughter, but misses Earth too much. He rams his tongue into her mouth and she gives him a precious stone to remember her by. Herron helps him return to his normal size with oxygen from Frank's air tanks on his space suit and they part as great friends. He is rescued and wakes to find it was all a dream. Or was it? No! He pulls Zetha's stone from his pocket, and another 50's space flick comes to a close. Richard Kiel is in the Solarite suit. Fave character: Zetha. I don't know, but humanoid alien chicks in 50's space movies just get me going.

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

62
-Mike and the bots are Andy Rooney.

Okay.


-Pearl gets her Doomsday device, but the core is shipped to the SOL.

Okay.


-Tom is focusing on the good and the beautiful.

Classic!!


-Bobo scares Pearl and Observer.

Okay.


-The bots attempt to play wine glasses, but Mike is quite good.

Classic!!


-Crow's a Solarite. Pearl is feeling down, but feels better after killing some villagers.

Great!


-

Stinger

: You know, captain, every year of my life I grow more and more convinced that the wisest and best is to fix our attention on the good and the beautiful.




<< >>

903: Puma Man

RPM

9.450

Speedy

A-

Mutant Human(s) : 1979 : Color : - Box Set #29

Andrew's Rank:

37

Mstie Rank:

6

RPM Rank:

70

"Aliens gave this American in London the power to defend the Aztecs!" Tonight on a very special "Touched by a Puma Man". Tony's crotch senses danger.
Oh, holy salt lick...

Characters:

Tony

: An American who slowly and unwillingly discovers his fate as the fabled "Puma Man." His mentor is...

Vadinho

: An Aztec priest whose destiny it is to find the Puma Man and teach him about Puma power.

Jane

: A blond with more to her than meets the eye. She falls in love with Tony while secretly keeping tabs on him for...

Kobras

: An Englishman who has in his possession a mind-controlling Aztec mask that he means to use to rule the world, if only the Puma Man weren't in the way.

Movie:
I've seen quite a few un-MSTied versions of MST3K movies, but this one, in my opinion, was the most painful. This Italian-made film takes place in London, even though Donald Pleasence is the only one who sounds British, plus there's an Aztec Indian named Vadinho aiding an American named Tony. Sigh. Anyway, Tony notices that he gets a headache whenever he "senses danger" and learns, via Vadinho, it's because he's the Puma Man, a hero whose purpose is to protect the Aztec people and stop Kobras (Donald P.), an evil guy who discovers an Aztec relic with mind-controlling abilities that was dropped off by aliens at the start of the movie. Tony falls in love with Jane, Kobras' henchwoman who acts as bait to lure Tony to Kobras so Kobras can control his mind, which he actually succeeds in doing. But Vadinho leads a one-man assault on Kobras' castle, beats up the guards, blows the place up, and lets the Puma Man defeat the frail, elderly Kobras by roasting him alive in a helicopter crash. Epilogue, Vadinho is assumed into Puma heaven by the aliens (?!?!), Tony and Jane get together and fly around, and Tony's sacred powers are celebrated with this movie-ending conversation; Jane: "I've never seen anyone make love in the air." Tony: "But that's how you make little Puma Men." Ick. Fave character: True hero, Vadinho.

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

129
-Tom is a tough guy, but he has Short Man's Syndrome.

Okay.


-Pearl throws a ball, but Observer has other plans.

Not good.


-Shelly the Nanite gives Mike the dry hair look.

Okay.


-Mike is a super-hero who can shoot laser beams, but he doesn't care.

Classic!!


-Tom and Crow have gained mind control of Roger Whitaker.

Great!


-Crow resigns his SOL post, and immediately returns. Pearl's ball is crashed by Roger Whitaker.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Tony "falls" from a window.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Tony claims, "I get like this when I sense danger."




<< >>

904: Werewolf

RPM

8.699

Slow

A+

Mutant Human(s) : 1995 : Color : - Box Set #13

Andrew's Rank:

7

Mstie Rank:

2

RPM Rank:

119

Incredible morphing package? I would assume that when morphing into a wolf that one's package would be included, yes. There wolf. There castle. Hi, I'm Paul. Nice to soon be sleeping with you.
Wait! Stop! Everyone go up a shirt size. I've looked everywhere-wolf. This dinosaur's skeleton was found with a head sticking out of its butt.
A random citizen who can kick a werewolf's ass. Paul, we is some warwilfs! The movie's biggest fan.

Characters:

Crow: "Paul! You is a warwilf!"

Paul

: The new guy in town. He's a writer working on his novel and meets...

Natalie

: A simultaneously hot and not woman who budgets all of her brain power to anthropology. Her coworker is...

Yuri

: Bossy, greedy and power hungry. He yearns to create an army of werewolves or get paid a lot of money to study them.

Sam, the Keeper

: Paul's militant landlord who predicts "weird things a doin', around here."

Movie: (Site digger Tommy lays in a hospital, transforming into a werewolf.)

Tom: "Quick, apply intravenous Nair!"

Movie:
We learn from this movie that the Werewolf is actually a product of Native America. This movie takes place in the US, but the accents and grammar are anything but. An entire werewolf skeleton is found on an archeological dig and partner anthropologists Natalie and Yuri have differing views about what to do with the skeleton. Yuri wants to transform everyone into a werewolf which will, somehow, net millions of dollars of grant money for research. Natalie also wants grant money but doesn't want anyone to get hurt. She doesn't notice Yuri's antics because she's too busy sleeping with Paul whom Yuri has inadvertently turned into a werewolf. Paul spares Sam but kills Yuri in a primal rage and Natalie decides that she wants to spend forever with Paul, yes, by becoming a werewolf herself. So, do they have to split the grant money? Fave character: Natalie, before becoming a warwilf.

Reflections:

Natalie: "Paul..."

Mike: "I enjoyed your letter to Philippians."

This was one of the first episodes I saw when I came back from my MTS3K hiatus and it's a good one. Not a bad premise, but bad acting and odd dialogue make this movie laughable. Mike and the bots don't let up and their 50's style werewolf song is hilarious! Enshrinement ease: Easy.

Natalie: "You and Noel is in it for fame and fortune?"

Crow: "Yes, we 'is'."

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

49
-Mike channels James Lipton.

Great!


-Mike escapes the SOL via a really long ladder.

Great!


-Who would the crew want in their werewolf movie?

Okay.


-The crew sing "Where, O, Werewolf".

Classic!!


-Mike picks up some of Crow's essence and becomes a Werecrow.

Great!


-Mike is fully a Werecrow, but Tom has a curious antidote.

Great!


-

Stinger

: Our heroine uses all available brain power to utter some big words.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Security guard Vick finishes his drink, and thus celebrates twitchily.




<< >>

905: Deadly Bees

RPM

7.764

Snail

D

Mutant Beast(s) : 1966 : Color

Andrew's Rank:

138

Mstie Rank:

129

RPM Rank:

144

More like, "The Deadly D's". As opposed to nice, non-stinging, fluffy little bees?

Characters:


Movie:

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

76
-It's preview time!

Classic!!


-The evil Observers find Observer to take him away.

Okay.


-Crow recites a love sonnet to the cigarette lady in the movie. Mike needs to brush his teeth.

Great!


-A song convincing Observer to stay.

Great!


-Mike communicates as the bees do and has quite a lot to say.

Great!


-The observers are locked in battle.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Have you seen the dog's meat?
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Nodding man in the bowler hat.




<< >>

906: Space Children

RPM

7.274

Snail

D-

Alien Invasion : 1958 : Black/White

Andrew's Rank:

162

Mstie Rank:

172

RPM Rank:

159

Short:

Century 21 Calling



That's all we get? "Why bend the credits? No reason. It's just cool looking."

Characters:


Movie:

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

152
-Tom has a kissing booth. Prices are high.

Okay.


-The SOL is getting some phones. Conferencing isn't working.

Okay.


-Mike is the giddy boy from the short. Tom and Crow take him out.

Great!


-Bobo is training for space flight. Observer forgets the securing pin.

Okay.


-Crow puts on a naughty fashion show for Jackie Cougan.

Okay.


-The blob from the movie wants Tom to get rid of his nuke. Bobo doesn't blast off.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: The professor is dead.




<< >>

907: Hobgoblins

RPM

6.898

Snail

C

Mutant Beast(s) : 1985 : Color : - Box Set #8

Andrew's Rank:

98

Mstie Rank:

35

RPM Rank:

165

Cute little aliens. I like this poster. Check that. I like this one MUCH better! They're over here. They're over there.

Characters:

Tom: "This scene makes me want to go clubbing... the director of this film!"

McCreedy

: Elder security guard who guards the Hobgoblins and outside world from each other.

Kevin

: Security guard in training. He's a good guy who has trouble getting any lovin' from...

Amy

: Kevin's ice queen extraordinaire girlfriend whose inner desire is to be a stripper.

Kyle

: Nerdy fifth wheel whose inner desire is to make whoopie with Fantazia.

Nick and Daphne

: Nick's just back from military service and Daphne wants to show him that he was missed. They ooze innuendo, but Nick's desire is to be a war hero, and he blows up...

Club Scum

: The seedy night club full of sex, crime, and anti-humor.

Movie: (Roadrash holds up a 'HIT' sign.)

Crow: "They should really add an 'S' to that."

Tom: "Hits?"

Movie:
I find that the MST3K movies that hurt the worst are the ones that are not only bad, but needlessly bad. Like this one. This movie bears a striking resemblance to another creature flick from a few years before called "Gremlins". Kevin is a night watchman at a movie studio. In pursuit of a burglar one night, Kevin runs down a hallway that the McCreedy forbids him to explore and opens a giant safe. He witnesses several green, furry creatures escape, much to the chagrin of McCreedy who informs Kevin that the creatures are aliens who came to this planet many years ago. They have the power to make anyone's fantasy come true, even though that fantasy is usually fatal. McCreedy locked them in the safe and has been protecting them for 30 years. The creatures on the loose is bad so Kevin goes off to find them. The rest of the movie is Kevin's friends' fantasies coming true before the creatures eventually run back to the safe. The old guy locks them in and blows them up. The end. The movie is poorly scripted, edited, executed, and everything else. The characters are disgusting as everyone seems to have MAJOR issues with sexuality, especially Daphne and Nick, who fall just short of procreating in public, and Amy whose inner fantasy is to be a stripper. Fave character: The elder guard. The only character who doesn't provoke nausea.

Reflections:

Kevin: "Idiot!"

Mike: "This from a junior security guard."

I can't imagine seeing this movie without Mike and the Bots. Pearl makes a big deal about the repugnance of this movie, as she should. Many years later when this episode came out on DVD, it was GREAT to see the cast laugh at themselves in the interviews. Speaking of interviews, Tom's interview with Rick Sloane (Crow) is drop-dead hilarious and made so by Crow.

Crow: "Hopefully it was a coitus-free ride to the club."

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

89
-Accidental turn-ons are running rampant.

Okay.


-Pearl stores a couch on the SOL, which Mike and the Bots jump and spill juice on.

Great!


-Crow's documentary on women. Do they exist?

Classic!!


-Bobo calls the Hobgoblins crisis hotline. He 'likes' Pearl and Crow hangs up.

Okay.


-Mike replaces the crew with cardboard and tries to escape.

Great!


-Tom has travelled back in time and kicked Rick Sloane in the shin. Bobo and Brain guy jump on the couch.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: The creatures go for a ride.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Daphne exits the house and shakes her hips.




<< >>

908: Touch of Satan

RPM

7.471

Snail

B-

Horror : 1970 : Color : - Box Set #5

Andrew's Rank:

78

Mstie Rank:

32

RPM Rank:

156

"LA Free Press" translates to "I can say anything I want on this poster 'cause the director paid me." Try a touch of Satan on your popcorn or hamburger for bold flavor.

Characters:

Tom: "The touch of Satan softens your hands as you do the dishes."

Jodie

: A wanderer who travels the country because he doesn't want to be a lawyer. He stumbles upon the farm of...

Melissa Strickland

: A sweet girl who welcomes Jodie to the farm, much to the chagrin of her parents...

Luther & Molly Strickland

: A regular farm couple with a BIG secret. They just want Jodie gone before he discovers it.

Lucinda

: Melissa's dermatologically challenged "grandmother" who can't talk too well, but is great at killing people.

Mike: "Good day. Took a walk. Got that dress sewn. Killed."

Movie:
This movie is bad, but also quite disturbing. Our leading man who is also a male with an X and a Y chromosome, Jodie, is a drifter who stops at a farm pond to have his lunch. He is joined by Melisa, an attractive woman who offers him dinner at her parents' house. They don't like him. Because he's a man dating their daughter? No. Because Melisa is the minion of Satan and became such to save her sister from being burned alive in the Salem witch scare and they like to keep it quiet for some reason. Melisa, who is actually 150 years old, and her sister live forever but Melisa doesn't age and her sister does. That makes her sister somewhat upset and it shows as she goes on murderous rampages. At some point and somehow, Melisa's sister dies in a house fire and Jodie tells Melisa that he loves her as they lay nude by the pond which frees Melisa from Satan's curse. Oops, the years of aging catch up with her and Jodie sells HIS soul to Satan to keep her young and nubile. So, kids, the moral of the story is: If you're horny, Satan will take your soul! Fave character: Melisa's "parents". What troopers to adopt this minion of Satan AND her sister!

Reflections:

Movie: (Farmer gets a pitchfork in the neck.)

Tom: "When sore throat pain strikes."

This is one scary movie. Seriously. The end doesn't make it any better what with... Well, I don't want to ruin it. What am I saying, you've seen it. Jodie ending up in the clutch of Satan just gets me every time. Ick!

Luthor: "I put peanuts in it."

Crow: "I hope he said 'peanuts'."

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

153
-Here come the bots a'wassailing, with modified lyrics.

Classic!!


-Mike provides canned wassail. Bobo and Observer endure Steffy, the babysitter.

Okay.


-Mike starts a walnut ranch and he's stinky. Tom has an easier time pecan farming.

Okay.


-Crow tests his witch-ness with the rocks-on-the-chest test, but he's made of metal.

Not good.


-Servo's evil grandma tries to kill Mike.

Not good.


-Crow sold his soul to Stan, not Satan. Observer really gets into 'Green Eggs and Ham'.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: This is where the fish lives.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Jody yells, "Zap!", to a store full of people.




<< >>

909: Gorgo

RPM

7.535

Snail

D

Mutant Beast(s) : 1960 : Color : - Box Set #28

Andrew's Rank:

147

Mstie Rank:

149

RPM Rank:

155

It's that bad, huh? 2,096 point font!

Characters:


Movie:

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

151
-Crow has a bird's nest on his head.

Okay.


-Bobo beats Observer at arm wrestling. Leonard Maltin recommends a movie to the crew.

Great!


-The crew present a one-act play "Waiting for Gorgo".

Okay.


-Mike has William Sylvester Trivial Pursuit. No one wants to play.

Okay.


-The Nanites put on a circus but Mike crushes it.

Okay.


-Were there women in the movie? Leonard and Pearl try to find the worst movie ever.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: British babble.




<< >>

910: Final Sacrifice

RPM

7.611

Snail

C+

Horror : 1990 : Color : - Box Set #17

Andrew's Rank:

91

Mstie Rank:

5

RPM Rank:

153

Who the hell are those guys?! Still no Rowsdower on this poster either? Well, okay. Just ONE more sacrifice and then it's time for bed.

Characters:

Troy

: Whispery-thin youth who has decided to open the cold case of his murdered father. He befriends...

Zap Rowsdower

: Gruff loner who protects Troy from an evil cult and seems to have all kinds of answers to Troy's plaguing questions about said cult. Hmmmm. Interesting.

Satoris

: Evil cult leader who knows that Troy is bad for business and who doesn't like Zap. He does, however, have a lovely lower vocal range.

Movie:
This is a Canadian offering that's just... weird. It's too fake to be dark and too dark to be funny. For starters, we see some guys in tank tops and ski masks running through the forest. One unmasked man looks on as the other guys kill another guy running from them. Seven years later, we see Troy, looking at a picture of his father and going through the attic to find information on his murdered father, much to the chagrin of his aunt. Suddenly, masked men attack Troy's house and he hides in the truck bed of Zap Rowsdower. Zap and Troy run from the cult and form a friendship in which Troy learns that the cult is actually the remnants of a supreme civilization whose golden city was buried. Also learned is that Zap used to be a cult member, but was thrown out for being a half-blood. The cult is looking for a magic idol that will restore the city and the race to their former evil glory and Troy's dad was trying to stop them. Troy is captured by the cult but Rowsdower comes to the rescue and kills the cult leader. This movie was meant to be a buddy picture amidst thrilling adventure, but the bleak Canadian wilderness doesn't really inspire that. Fave character: Rowsdower!!

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

44
-Gypsy cuts the power for maintenance, immediately followed by breaking glass as the bots loot the SOL.

Classic!!


-Pearl attempts to rule the world one person at a time, but neither Todd nor Tom are biting.

Okay.


-The crew sing a song about Canadians, but Tom takes it too far.

Classic!!


-Bobo infects everyone with Hockey Hair, but Observer is delighted.

Great!


-Mike has contracted Grizzled Old Prospector's Syndrome.

Great!


-Tom and Crow have started a cult that bakes muffins. Pearl rules Carl.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Rowsdower?




<< >>

911: Devil Fish

RPM

7.754

Snail

A

Mutant Beast(s) : 1984 : Color : - Box Set #19

Andrew's Rank:

16

Mstie Rank:

142

RPM Rank:

146

M'eh. That's kind of cool, I guess. Wow! Now that's more like it! The story of Alistair Crappie.
You bloody rotten filthy sod! She displaces no water at all.

Characters:

Mike: "Our special tonight is Devil Fish with satanic string beans and deep Lucifered potatoes."

Peter

: Electronics wizard and ladies' man. When strange noises are heard in the ocean, he is asked to get some recording equipment together by...

Dr. Stella Dickens

: A dolphin trainer and marine biologist. She's whisper thin and has a crush on Peter. Her professional acquaintance is...

Dr. Bob Hogan

: He loves the ocean and beer. He originally discovers the Devil Fish and is the first one to actually see it. He takes the audio recording to...

Prof. West

: Ocean lover. He discovers that the Devil Fish is the brainchild of...

Dr. Davis

: Creates the Devil Fish to hold the world's oceans ransom. He's also having an affair with Prof. West's wife. He is killed by...

Sheriff Gordon

: Local lawman who gets to the bottom of the case. His partner is...

Deputy Cortez

: Massive chunk of a police officer who thinks there's a link between the recent deaths and the monster's appearance.

Miller

: Professional hit man hired by Dr. Davis to eliminate anyone who gets too close to the truth.

The Devil Fish

: A new and manmade marine animal with all kinds of neat abilities.

Peter: "Something's caught in the prop."

Crow: "That's a prop? I thought it was a real motor."

Movie:
This Italian gem stars many Italians but takes place in Florida. It's like Jaws with a little genetic mutation thrown in for good measure. Our hero, Peter the electrician, discovers a very large shark with the tentacles of an octopus, the intelligence of a dolphin, and the great taste of chicken hiding in the Atlantic. It is also revealed that the monster is a brainchild of a mad scientist of sorts, Dr. Davis (even his name strikes fear!), who is the only one who can destroy the monsters, for a price, if people finally get annoyed with them. But Dr. West discovers who's to blame because of his admin privileges to all of the pertinent files which conveniently describe where the monster came from, when, how, and what his favorite color is. Way to cover your butt, Davis. The good guys then lure the Devil Fish to a gasoline- filled shallow and torch it. Icky. Fave character: Bob Hogan. A genius even though he drinks like a fish!

Reflections:

Tom: "Something vague this way comes."

Another enshrinement that I don't think people will agree with. I love this movie because I, too, love the ocean and the riffs, scant as they are, are very funny. Crow, especially, has some killers! And call me crazy, but the movie's soundtrack is quite alluring. Except for the weird make-out music. Enshrinement ease: Easy.

Tom: "This is how I like to fish, Mike; a flashlight and a flamethrower."

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

19
-Mike is serious about losing his wallet.

Classic!!


-The Evils run a cruise ship and the crew make ice sculptures.

Classic!!


-Dolphins attack the SOL after Mike insults their intelligence.

Classic!!


-Mike makes fun of electricians, who have signed a mutual defense pact with dolphins.

Great!


-Pearl tests a lens filter that makes the crew appear Italian.

Great!


-Crow suggests evil animal combos. Pearl serves Captain Crunch for dinner.

Not good.


-

Stinger

: The location of the Devilfish is confirmed.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Peter: "That's not a shark." Bob: "How would you know, electrician?"




<< >>

912: Screaming Skull

RPM

7.297

Snail

C+

Horror : 1958 : Black/White : - Box Set #31

Andrew's Rank:

94

Mstie Rank:

62

RPM Rank:

158

Short:

Robot Rumpus



Will they pay for my dry-cleaning if I vomit? Isn't that a firecracker?

Characters:

Eric

: He's a widower and recent newlywed. He acts very strange about his deceased wife. His new wife is...

Jenni

: She loves her new husband, but slowly descends into dementia in her new house.

Mickey

: Groundskeeper who misses Eric's former wife. He's creepy but harmless.

Rev. & Mrs. Snow

: A friendly couple who knows Eric well, but suspect him of the unthinkable. They keep close tabs on Jenni.

Movie:
This is actually a very creepy movie, but Mike and the bots lighten it up a bit. We begin with a newly married couple, Eric and Jenny, moving into a giant yet foreboding old house. We gather it belonged to Eric and his first wife, Marion. She died in the pond in the garden of the house after slipping and hitting her head on a rock wall. We also learn that Jenny is wealthy and spent some time in a mental institution. And so when she starts hearing screaming in the middle of the night and seeing a human skull in her dresser, it is dismissed as insanity. But Eric seems very nervous about these occurrences. The movie climaxes with Eric strangling Jenny and Marion's ghost appearing to torment Eric. He runs out of the house to the pond where Marion died and her skull attacks, choking Eric. An older couple, friends of Eric and Jenny, take her away from the house and we see Eric, wife murderer for financial gain, dead in the pond. Also in the movie is Mickey, the socially challenged grounds keeper and faux red herring. I for one think this is not really a bad movie relative to when it was made, the only drawback being LONG periods of inaction. Fave character: Rev. Snow. When there's a Catholic priest in a horror movie, it's gonna be scary!

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

100
-Tom is a butterfly, but Mike is disgusted.

Okay.


-It's time to wear your penguin costumes! Not!

Not good.


-Tom and Crow put on a therapeutic play about clay murdering robots.

Okay.


-Tom and Crow prank for a free coffin, but they get caught.

Classic!!


-Crow is a skull and scares Mike, but Mike fights back.

Classic!!


-Tom's coffin arrives. Bobo tries to trick Mike and the bots again. They don't flinch.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Chair versus skeleton.




<< >>

913: Quest o/t Delta Knights

RPM

7.187

Snail

D-

Fantasy : 1993 : Color

Andrew's Rank:

158

Mstie Rank:

141

RPM Rank:

163

So, what's the ratio of men to women on this poster. I'm undecided. Pledge the Delta Knights fraternity!

Characters:


Movie:
This is a halfway decent attempt at a mainstream movie. It has the sound and feel of such, but ends up silly and unbelievable. David Warner, whom I like a lot, stars as Baydool, an undercover member of the Delta Knights. Exactly what they do is a bit fuzzy. I think they are sworn to protect Archimedes' secret storehouse where he kept his knowledge and inventions from evil, so that a new age of enlightenment can begin. But they don't know where it is. They have a map, but no key to the map. Enter Tee, a girlish young boy of destiny shown the way of the DK by Baydool. Tee searches for the cave with the help of Leonardo da Vinci, who are both one step ahead of Volchair, the evil guy, also played by David Warner who wants the storehouse for evil purposes. All three of them find the storehouse, Volchair is killed, and Tee blows the place up claiming that Man is not yet ready. Nor will He ever be since you just blew up the future. However, Leonardo is inspired by his time in the storehouse and the rest is history. This is a very confusing movie. Is it about Tee, or is it about Leonardo who's the only one to get anything out of the whole ordeal? And Volchair is evil, but certain parts of the movie paint him as kind of a dufus. Fave character: David Warner. Not any of his characters, just him.

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

141
-Crow is in the shop so Gypsy gives Mike a loaner Crow.

Great!


-Mike is in pretty good shape. Pearl and Mike swap places.

Great!


-Mike, Observer, and Bobo do some male bonding over liquor and poker. The bots love Pearl.

Great!


-The Sir Thomas singers sing a song.

Okay.


-Leonardo da Vinci visits. He doesn't like Tom.

Not good.


-The bots miss Pearl. The Delta Knights put on a pancake breakfast.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Guy swings in.