Season Ten: That's a Wrap

Again, there were only thirteen shows on the Season Ten schedule. There was no doubt that these would be the final episodes of the series. However, the show quality went up, up, up and the first half of Season Ten was one of the best stretches of the series, starting off with the highly anticipated Frank and Joel reunion show, 1001: Soultaker. There was no doubt that the cast wanted to finish with a bang. But, at the halfway point, the show quality started to decline as the curtain came down on ten great years of Mystery Science Theater 3000.


Season Rank and Reflections

Andrew's Rank:

# 8

Mstie Rank:

# 3
This season had a good number of good shows, but the lone enshrined show makes this season hang out near the bottom. In fact, Seasons One and Ten are the only seasons with 13 or more shows to not have at least two shows each in my top 30.


RPMs (Riffs Per Minute)

RPM levels were now the lowest they'd been since early Season Two, but over the course of Season Ten, RPM averages actually increased as a handful of shows managed to crack 8 RPMs.



5.389 11.563 1001 1002 1003 1004 1005 1006 1007 1008 1009 1010 1011 1012 1013


Andrew's Enshrined & Choice Eps

Mstie Enshrined & Choice Eps

# 11 - 1006: Boggy Creek II
# 26 - 1007: Track o/t Moon Beast
# 31 - 1011: Horrors of Spider Island
# 33 - 1010: It Lives by Night

# 16 - 1001: Soultaker
# 20 - 1006: Boggy Creek II
# 29 - 1002: Girl in Gold Boots
# 33 - 1003: Merlin's Shop Of Mystical Wonders


RPM Top 44

Mstie Bottom 44

# 165 - 1010: It Lives by Night
# 158 - 1009: Hamlet



Excellence Explained - Why the Good is Good

1006: Boggy Creek II - -

Andrew's Rank: #11

-

Mstie Rank: #20


By this time, Msties knew the show's days were numbered, and were begging for a memorable episode to revel in. Enter "Boggy Creek" which stands out as it is a biopic of Bigfoot. Also, writer, director, producer Charles B. Pierce likes to cast his friends and family so the acting quality is usually what you get when you do that. He also likes to keep his locations local. I'm not knocking Arkansas, and if you need a heavily forested setting then south central USA is a good choice, but it's hilarious to have a film based in Texarkana. On top of that, there's the way the movie in presented as a series of flashbacks. Then, of course, there's Crenshaw. The riffing is slow yet sharp, and there are some great host segments concerning the movie including Mike's flashback, Observer's folk song about Bigfoot, and Pearl's exploitation of said beast.


Defending My Classics

1011: Horrors of Spider Island -

Andrew's Rank: #31

-

Mstie Rank: #130


In my mind this is the last "great" episode. We get slow yet hilarious riffing, some classic host segments, plus a target movie that exploits women, giant bugs, and nuclear fear, yet (and I know I'm going to be very alone on this one) manages to have some deep character development. Hear me out. We had Gary's struggle to stay loyal to Georgia on a island of VERY dependent women. There was an extra layer of helplessness when Gary, the best equipped to keep the women safe, was turned into a monster. We saw Mr. Blackwood's brief descent upon learning he might never see his friends Gary and Georgia again. We also had a struggle between Bob and Joe who represented the disrespect and respect of women, respectively, and to see Joe win out against both a bad attitude towards women and a frightening monster was extremely resolving. Man, it's good!

1010: It Lives by Night -

Andrew's Rank: #33

-

Mstie Rank: #165


Just decent host segments and slow riffing. But something about this episode draws me in. Perhaps it's because, unlike other sci-fi movies where we simply watch people transform into horrible beasts and break things, in this one we actually feel sorry for John and Cathy and are actually hoping for them to succeed and subdue the creepy sheriff. Dr. Mustachelove could have something to do with it, too.


Available on - 11 episodes - 85%

1001: Soultaker

Box Set #14

1005: Blood Waters Dr. Z

Box Set #17

1010: It Lives by Night

Box Set #30

1002: Girl in Gold Boots

Box Set #4

1006: Boggy Creek II

Box Set #5

1011: Hrrs Spdr Islnd

Box Set #11

1003: Merlin's Shop...

Box Set #5

1008: Final Justice

Box Set #14

1012: Squirm

Box Set #31

1004: Future War

Box Set #13

1009: Hamlet

Box Set #4





<< >>

1001: Soultaker

RPM

7.722

Snail

C+

Horror : 1990 : Color : - Box Set #14

Andrew's Rank:

85

Mstie Rank:

16

RPM Rank:

150

Every one of the "quotes" is just priceless. Green implies soul taking.

Characters:


Movie:

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

29
-Tom and Crow don't get the purpose of the wet T-shirt contest.

Great!


-The SOL is malfunctioning, but no one cares.

Okay.


-Mike takes manual control of the ship, and arms the shields.

Great!


-Frank is in the soul-stealing business. The SOL is failing fast.

Great!


-Joel boards the SOL and fixes it up. He and the bots chat.

Classic!!


-Frank need Joel's soul so he takes off, but not before inspiring Mike. Frank and Bobo play with Bobo's soul.

Classic!!


-

Stinger

: Creepy old lady gawks at Natalie.




<< >>

1002: Girl in Gold Boots

RPM

7.565

Snail

C

Drama : 1968 : Color : - Box Set #4

Andrew's Rank:

104

Mstie Rank:

29

RPM Rank:

154

I wish I had that pretty poster back! Or silver ones. We don't want to discriminate against other colored boots.

Characters:


Movie:

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

92
-Crow uses his WWBSM bracelet and folk music to help him at moral crossroads.

Okay.


-Pearl is trying to get accredited for world domination but has stage fright.

Okay.


-Crow gets revenge on Mike by pouring beer all over his heirloom beer stein.

Classic!!


-Crow dons gold boots and shakes all his various things.

Great!


-Mike sings a love ballad as Tom and Crow's visages declare disaster.

Great!


-The crew dress as ugly thugs which fails Pearl's accreditation, at least until Observer starts dancing.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Drug-snorting dancer yearns for her formerly pretty mind.




<< >>

1003: Merlin's Shop Of Mystical Wonders

RPM

7.342

Snail

C-

Fantasy : 1995 : Color : - Box Set #5

Andrew's Rank:

118

Mstie Rank:

33

RPM Rank:

157

They were VERY generous with Merlin's wife on this poster. And where is her right hand? Do we want to know? Actually, I kind of like this title.

Characters:

Merlin

: He uses his infinite wisdom of magic to open a curio shop. His first customer is...

Jonathan Cooper

: A local writer with an evil iron fist on the pulse of the town. He insults Merlin, much to the chagrin of...

Madeline

: Jon's wife. She is kind-hearted and therefore isn't to comfortable with Jon's selfishness. She just wants a child.

David

: The poor dope whose house is under attack from the killer monkey. He will go to any length to rid himself of the possessed primate. His son is...

Michael

: He gets the evil monkey as a present and can't believe his dad tries to throw it away.

Movie:
Ernest Borgnine plays a writer who tells his grandson stories about a guy who abuses his wife and roasts a cat with his flaming breath and about a toy monkey who causes death wherever he goes. Sleep tight! The movie isn't so much about Merlin's shop as much as it is about two items from it and the literal hell they cause when they enter the realm of modern society. The first story deals with a jerk to whom Merlin loans his book of spells knowing full well that this guy will destroy himself with it. He actually ends up turning himself into the baby that his wife has always wanted and it's wrong on many different levels. In the second story, a very nice family falls prey to a possessed toy monkey that causes death every time he claps his cymbals together. Why he hates them so, no one knows. Maybe he's mad about being stolen from Merlin and sold in a flea market for a measly $10. I don't care what anyone says, the monkey honestly is terrifying. The date on the movie is 1996, but the stories appear to have been filmed in the early 1980's. Hmmmm. Fave character: The father for not taking any crap from a possessed monkey.

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

57
-The crew perform 1920s pranks.

Okay.


-Pearl performs her first accredited experiment.

Not good.


-Tom and Crow review each other. It doesn't go well.

Classic!!


-Servo tries to levitate an egg, but only turns Mike in to a baby.

Classic!!


-Mike orders some children's books based on the movie. Fluffy Bunny's friends eat his liver.

Classic!!


-Pearl sends the crew an evil monkey which Observer tries to make fall into a bag.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: [Rockin'] Roll Martian!




<< >>

1004: Future War

RPM

7.959

Snail

B

Alien Invasion : 1994 : Color : - Box Set #13

Andrew's Rank:

63

Mstie Rank:

48

RPM Rank:

141

Wow. This one lists THREE better movies. That's a new record! The "W" is different. It MUST be the FUTURE! Ahhh, my shirt! Whatever you do, DON'T hit me with that body oil applicator!
Ladies and gentlemen... Fred Burroughs!

Characters:

Tom: "He's Jean Claude Van Damme."

Mike: "No, he's more like Jean Claude Gosh Darn."


Tom: "Cardboard boxes aren't working. Try throwing a piece of paper or a cotton ball."

Movie:
This is a "Terminator"-esque offering about a space traveling guy and a nun with a past. In this story, a guy crashes his ship into the ocean and he swims to shore. Another guy and a dinosaur try to kill him. But the martial arts master dispatches the offenders and makes his way to a halfway house and finds Sister Ann, who got a new start in this house after giving up her drug and prostitution filled life. The house is attacked by a huge dinosaur but Ann and Runaway escape. Exactly what's going on is a bit hazy, but the Runaway claims he is from another planet where humans are enslaved by cyborgs with pet dinosaurs and forced to build whatever the cyborgs want. He quotes the planet's "sacred texts" which turn out to be the Bible and he thinks he has escaped to Heaven by coming to Earth. Sister Ann disagrees but helps him with his plan to hunt down and destroy the cyborgs and dinos currently on earth who kill whoever they come across. They do, with the final battle taking place in a catholic church in the middle of Sister Ann's nun ceremony. The runaway becomes a mentor for troubled teens but can't hook up with Sister Ann since she's a nun now. Bummer. This movie is typical B-movie fare with bad special effects and fight scenes as vehicles for showing the Runaway's abs. Speaking of that, watch for the Runaway in "Matrix: Reloaded". That's him battling Morpheus atop the semi! Fave character: Robert Z'dar as the evil cyborg master!

Reflections:

Movie: "This place looks like a maze."

Crow: "We call it 'a corn'".

If there was ever an Mst3k movie that dripped of low-budget, this is it. The dinosaurs are well-done, considering, but for a movie about something as big as dinos, it is VERY claustrophobic. Rooms, offices, and tight tunnels are just some of the locations. I also got an incredible kick out of the warehouse filled with boxes of nothing. It seems like you can still make boxes light, but with just enough stuff in them to make the actors strain believably. They didn't, and it's great! Oh, and the last image of the movie shows us the headline for a newspaper article about the Runaway who has become a mentor for troubled teens. Nice. Except, the photograph they have of him is a fighting pose in which he's shirtless and grimacing. Classic!

Tom: "The movie that delivers more Huh?'s per second.

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

81
-Mike is eight times a lady, much to Tom and Crow's delight.

Great!


-Pearl sends LSD to the bots who freak out.

Classic!!


-Tom and Gypsy kick box with their new legs.

Not good.


-The crew interrupt Pearl trying to kill them, to thank her for not killing them.

Great!


-Crow (Droppy the water droplet) schools us on water.

Classic!!


-Mike has a big chin while Bobo and Observer get blown up.

Not good.


-

Stinger

: Our hero gets hit shirt 'knocked' off.




<< >>

1005: Blood Waters of Dr. Z

RPM

8.143

Slow

B

Mutant Human(s) : 1972 : Color : - Box Set #17

Andrew's Rank:

62

Mstie Rank:

99

RPM Rank:

133

This poster simply contains the subject of a sentence, not an accompanying predicate. So there! Zaat poster is pretty cool. I guess Dr. Z had a little kidney problem.
Sargasm fish, I love you. Where does that go? Yeah, you're a fish.
He froze and went through explosive decompression. Better throw him back and give him a chance. Nurses don't do this anymore thanks to managed care. Let's see where the Captain Crunch treasure map tells us the fishman is headed.

Characters:

Tom: "I thought watching an aquarium was supposed to be relaxing."

Dr. Leopold

: Brilliant but unstable scientist who turns himself into a giant walking catfish.

Sheriff Lou

: Lawman who is investigating suspicious deaths. He is assisted by...

Rex

: Local biologist who is familiar with local fauna, but needs help from...

Walker and Martha

: Federal marine biologists who actually discover the fishman quite quickly.

Crow: "That was locked, but he now has the powerful forearms of a catfish!"

Movie:
Most evil plots to take over the world involve some devious plot to create a super-race of monsters. But this one is a bit different. Apparently, walking catfish are the best vessels with which to infuse bloodlust. This is a very boring and confusing little movie. You certainly know what's going on, you just never know why. The movie starts with an evil voiceover lamenting catfish and sharks and claiming that "Sargasm [is] the weed of deceit" as we see a lion fish devour a smaller fish. Then there's an evil scientist of sorts, Dr. Leo, who fiddles with some equipment and turns himself into a monster. He then grabs a spray bottle and dispenses it in a nearby river. The contents of the bottle and what he's doing remain a mystery. Then he kills the two guys who told him he was crazy to experiment on humans. Then he goes looking for a woman to kidnap and turn into a fish so that together they can procreate a race of superfish. In the meantime, the Lou and Rex enlist the aid of wildlife experts and lovers Walker and Martha to investigate the apparent animal attacks. The three men find dangerous levels of radiation and eventually trace everything to the evil doc's house. But Martha is kidnapped by the doc and taken to his house to be turned into a fish. The sheriff and Rex give their lives to save Martha and Walker goes off in hot pursuit of the doc. He wounds the fishman, who walks into the ocean. Walker collapses of a snake bite but has just enough energy to yell to Martha as she, zombielike, follows the fishman into the ocean. The end. Fave character: Before being evil, Walker is really hot.

Reflections:

Mike: "He's a Copafeelacanth."

I understand that evil scientists don't always think straight, but what about fish convinces one to use them for world domination?! Anyway, the riffing on this one isn't bad, but it's slow and the host segs aren't that good. However, being a bit of a waterbug, I do enjoy the clarity of the underwater footage. That's one thing this movie did well.

Crow: "Am I missing something? Is there fur on catfish?"

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

156
-Crow enjoys some chewing tobacco, and spits on Mike's shoe.

Not good.


-Pearl does a love deprivation experiment. Crow takes it hard.

Not good.


-Crow does the voiceover from the movie and scares Mike.

Okay.


-Mike and the bots do some fishing. Mike pulls his catch through high orbit and it explodes.

Great!


-Mike isn't convinced that a movie would be better if the actors were nude. Observer and Bobo demonstrate.

Great!


-The bots have exact-sized containers. Pearl creates a Mermonkey.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Sargasm, the weed of deceit!!!
-

Andrew's Stinger

: The sheriff dry-clicks his gun several time, annoying Rex.




<< >>

1006: Boggy Creek II

RPM

7.724

Snail

A+

Mutant Beast(s) : 1983 : Color : - Box Set #5

Andrew's Rank:

11

Mstie Rank:

20

RPM Rank:

149

Happy little trees in the background by Bob Ross. And the legend continues... to be not heard about by anybody. We're goin' campin' and you're gonna watch.
Am I too immodest?

Characters:

Mike: "We're goin' campin' and you're gonna watch."

Prof. Brian Lockart

: AKA "Doc." Anthropology professor at Arkansas University. He hears of a sighting of the Boggy Creek Creature and takes some of his class to investigate.

Tim

: Freshman and twig-thin student with a sense of humor. He joins Doc on most of his errands and hates shirts.

Tanya

: Doc's prize student. She's hot and athletic but fears the BCC.

Leslie

: Girly and high-maintenance friend of Tanya. She's just on the trip because she thinks it's a vacation. She always has the right outfit for the occasion.

Crenshaw

: Oily and massive mountain man who has kidnapped a baby BCC just for fun.

Movie: "Here, the air is clean reminding me that much of this country is still and should remain unspoiled..."

Tom: "As blue smoke poured from my motor."

Movie:
There is a Bigfoot! And he lives in Arkansas! This movie is the story of a dirty old college professor, Doc, who takes his two prize students, one of whom a hottie, and her friend into the swamps of southern Arkansas to investigate some strange sightings in the area as part of their rigorous college curriculum in Boggy Creek Studies. Fifty percent of this movie consists of flashbacks of monster sightings, thirty-five percent is the friend complaining, and the other fifteen percent is from inside the backwoods shack- of-a-house that belongs to Crenshaw, a very large, very sweaty, very hairy hillbilly who has kidnapped Bigfoot's offspring with the purpose of, ummm, uhhh. Maybe we shouldn't wonder too much. Anyway, the good Doc realizes that nature is really pretty and thus Bigfoot should remain a mystery. You'll never feel better about wasting two hours. Fave character: The levelheaded Doc.

Reflections:

Crow: "So these three are all majoring in Boggy Creek Studies?"

The brightest spot of the final season is a good one. A charming and very unique movie that (purposely?) makes fun of itself. Enshrinement ease: Easy. Also, since I'm a football nerd, I decided to try to determine WHICH Arkansas football game we saw at the start of the movie. Boggy Creek was released in 1985, so I worked backwards from there. Tulsa is obviously the opponent as seen on their helmets and heard on the radio in Doc's office. Arkansas quarterback Brad Taylor, #16, is clearly seen in the footage and was a Senior in 1984 so that helps. After that, it gets a bit cloudy as names are not clearly visible and finding historical informtion about jersey numbers is impossible, not to mention that Arkansas seemed to ALWAYS host Tulsa in Little Rock. However, I don't think the stock footage would be too terribly old. So, I'm going to say the game footage is from September 22, 1984. Arkansas won 18-9. They went 7-4-1 that year, played Auburn in the Liberty Bowl, but lost by a score of 15-21 to Liberty Bowl MVP... Bo Jackson. Ain't it a small world?

Crow: "(As store clerk) So that's money! Usually we get paid in possum hides."

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

67
-It's the "Cub Den of Love" but Tom isn't dressed for it.

Great!


-Tom still can't get his clothes strait. Pearl uses potatoes to rule the planet.

Not good.


-The crew use flashbacks to help Mike remember something.

Classic!!


-Observer pens a song about the mysterious creature, Bobo. Pearl sells merchandise.

Great!


-Tom has a whittling empire.

Great!


-Crow is the overalled mountain man and sets the bridge afire. Bobo shows up and ruins a sale.

Great!


-

Stinger

: Doc confesses to seeing the little creature.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Tanya yells, "Do you know how to put that thing in 4-wheel drive?!"




<< >>

1007: Track o/t Moon Beast

RPM

8.020

Slow

A

Mutant Human(s) : 1976 : Color

Andrew's Rank:

26

Mstie Rank:

51

RPM Rank:

140

Diarrhea is like a storm raging inside of the Moon Beast. Bring your 4x4 down to the track of the Moon Beast. Stop touching each other!
Drive not ready. Abort, Retry, Fail.

Characters:

Paul: "It was a little warm in my room."

Crow: "So I killed a tent full of old guys."

Paul

: Buff mineralogist who becomes the dreaded Navajo legend while on a date with...

Kathy

: A photographer who is in town to do a picture story of Navajo customs. She and Paul fall in love while meteor gazing.

Prof. Johnny Longbow Salina

: Pure Navajo and anthropologist. He's a good friend of Paul and fears the worst when several locals turn up dead.

Capt. Mac

: Needs Johnny's help when he can't solve the recent murders. He and Johnny witness Paul becoming the Moon Beast.

NASA scientists

: They are in town to determine what is wrong with Paul. They correctly diagnose his problem, foretell his impending death, and dispel a centuries-old Navajo legend.

Johnny: "Paul is not Paul anymore!"

Crow: "He's Super Paul!"

Movie:
This movie could have saved us a bunch of time by telling us in 2 minutes the legend of the Moon Beast. It doesn't, so here we go. Paul, a very buff archeologist with a comedian group of friends including native Johnny Longbow, is on a date with out-of-towner photographer Cathy when a meteor shower hits and a meteor misses them by a few feet. But Paul starts behaving strangely and people around town start dying brutal deaths. Paul suspects himself and checks into a hospital where Johnny and the sheriff witness the transformation of Paul into the feared demon lizard of Navajo legend. NASA scientists are consulted, conclude that a piece of meteor is lodged in Paul's brain, and predict Paul's inevitable demise. Paul overhears, escapes the hospital, and goes on a suicide mission. Cathy and Johnny catch up, Paul transforms, and Johnny shoots Paul with a arrow tipped with the rest of the meteor to make Paul's death short and painless. So Paul dies, Cathy is still alone, and Johnny is forever plagued with the reality that he killed his best friend. Really a downer. Fave character: Johnny Longbow. It takes a strong man to kill his best friend.

Reflections:

Mike: "Wow! He's transforming into the exact same person!"

This one just keeps getting better with age. It's already the second best of the final season, but every time I watch it, I'm reminded of how well-rounded this episode truly is.

Paul: "If I'm gonna to die, I'm want to die looking like a man."

Crow: "In my feety pajamas."

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

33
-Tom and Crow use their onion blossomer on everything.

Classic!!


-Bobo is remote controlled.

Not good.


-The bots fail at scaring Mike, yet apologize profusely.

Classic!!


-Legends of Rock: The Band That Played "California Lady."

Classic!!


-Crow and Tom spy on Mike in his robe.

Great!


-Tom accidentally injures a satellite. Observer gives Bobo brain tips.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Cathy is wowed at moon rocks.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Johnny proclaims, "Paul is not Paul anymore!"




<< >>

1008: Final Justice

RPM

7.719

Snail

B

Cops/Spies : 1984 : Color : - Box Set #14

Andrew's Rank:

64

Mstie Rank:

103

RPM Rank:

151

Don't look so sad, Joe Don. You've got hot women on your poster. Donuts and beer. Yum!

Characters:


Movie:
Is it just me or does every Joe Don Baker movie seem like it was made solely to spawn a series? And is it just me but does the SOL crew seem to be a bit unfair in their treatment of Joe Don? Oh well. In any case, we have a movie featuring Joe Don as Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III, a top-notch law enforcer that has been demoted to a back-water post as a sheriff's deputy in Texas where nothing happens. But one night his buddy is killed by some crooks. TJ chases them down and kills one. The surviving crook is an Italian mobster, Joseph, and the guy TJ killed was his brother. TJ is to escort Joe back to Sicily, but Joe's connections help him escape to Malta, where they celebrate Carnival with trippy parade floats including pigs in lingerie. TJ chases after Joe with the help of a hot Maltese policewoman assistant and is captured, but is saved by a prostitute. TJ kills Joe as he utters his famous catchphrase, "Go ahead on." Then the movie ends suddenly. Really a downer since TJ needs saving and Joe was not THE mob kingpin, but merely second in command. And as much as I'd like not to think about it, they never examine the sexual tension between TJ and the Maltese policewoman. Fave character: Superintendent Mifsud. He just is.

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

120
-Tom wonders how the owner of a lonely heart compares to the owner of a cheese slicer.

Okay.


-Pearl like to keep the workplace loose and fun.

Great!


-Mike keeps tripping and tripping and tripping.

Okay.


-Goosio, friend to Maltese children, visits. Tom and Crow kill him.

Okay.


-Crow presents a (very insulting) report on Malta.

Great!


-Mike is escaping the SOL after a Joe Don Baker movie. Not! Pearl introduces "Funny Dress Up" day and Observer goes all out.

Great!


-

Stinger

: Go ahead on! It's your move!




<< >>

1009: Hamlet

RPM

7.235

Snail

F

Drama : 1960 : Black/White : - Box Set #4

Andrew's Rank:

171

Mstie Rank:

158

RPM Rank:

161

Rock climbing, sand storm, fencing. Shakespeare wrote Hamlet? Thanks for clearing that up.

Characters:


Movie:
Yes, that's right. Hamlet. Your standard tight-panted, cod-pieced, dagger- bearing production of Bill Shakespeare's story. However, this is a German- made production and is dubbed in English. Also, this is a very low-budget production with cheap sets and boring costumes. There's not much to say about this movie. In my opinion, it wasn't a very good idea for MST3K to do this one. Hamlet is such a masterpiece you might find yourself so engrossed that you'll startle when Mike and the bots chime in. Yes, there are the cheap sets and bad costumes, but Hamlet is so good that anyone off the street could give the "To be or not to be" speech and look like a trained pro. However, the host segment with the game show "Alas Poor Who?" is one of the best in the show's history. Fave character: Ophelia. She's hot.

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

118
-Tom has changed is name to Htom Sirveaux.

Great!


-Pearl loses a card game so the crew pick "Hamlet" as their movie.

Okay.


-The bots attempt to be a ghost from Mike's past, but everyone he knows is alive.

Okay.


-The bots write new versions of Hamlet.

Okay.


-Crow and Tom play "Alas Poor Who?"

Classic!!


-The bots have a talking Hamlet action figure with a LONG string. Fortinbras is upset about not being in the movie.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: A guy is scared of nothing.




<< >>

1010: It Lives by Night

RPM

7.891

Snail

A-

Mutant Human(s) : 1974 : Color : - Box Set #30

Andrew's Rank:

33

Mstie Rank:

165

RPM Rank:

142

As long as it's just an hour long, I think I can sit through it. I hear there's no escape. The Pennyworth clown studies for finals.
Dr. Mustachelove. Actually, he was bitten by an Ecuadorian baldface monkey.

Characters:

Dr. John Beck

: He and his wife are on a vacation that doubles as an overdue honeymoon and research trip for his work in preventative medicine. His wife is...

Cathy

: Unconditionally loves her husband even when he goes crazy. They are both pursued by...

Sgt. Ward

: Creepy and evil lawman who suspects John in the recent murders and will do anything bring him to justice.

Dr. Kipling

: Groovy ski bum and doctor. He thinks John is suffering from dementia caused by rabies.

Movie:
Personally, these kind of movies break my heart. It's the kind where an unwilling boob is forced to be some horrible beast. But I really feel sorry for his poor wife who has to cope with not only that, but the resulting verbal abuse and a greasy, beefy, corrupt sheriff forcing himself upon her. Anyway, our movie opens with John and his wife, Cathy, touring a cave. They're on their honeymoon. They decide to split off from the group and be carnal. They both fall down a hole and John gets bitten by a bat. He starts to show signs of rabies, but it's not rabies. He's actually turning into a bat. The sheriff suspects John in several murders and harasses John and Cathy long enough to witness John transform and pummel the sheriff. John flies, well, runs, away. The sheriff drives Cathy back the hotel but his car is attacked by bats that kill the sheriff and let Cathy escape unharmed. You see, she's a bat, too. How? She slept with John when he was a bat. Ick! A scene not appearing in the MST3K version of the movie shows the sheriff helping Cathy through her pain by making a move on her in her hotel room. Jerk. Note: The guy who plays the sheriff plays the evil mob boss in show #202. Fave character: John's doctor. He's a groovy ski bum.

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

107
-It's painting day on the SOL and Tom and Crow are affected by different colors.

Classic!!


-Pearl toxifies the crew, but she has a prepared statement explaining why.

Not good.


-Crow does his best Mary Tyler Moore, but Tom and Mike keep calling him 'Crow'.

Okay.


-The bots vaccinate Mike against rabies, but he was just eating a pastry. They get mad.

Great!


-Mike's new moustache impresses Pearl, but not as much as Crow's larger moustache.

Great!


-Tom's hat distressing business is incomplete, but Crow's is. Pearl shows a slideshow of her (mysteriously) dead husbands.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: Johnny goes batty.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Cathy says, "Goodbye, Sherrif".




<< >>

1011: Horrors of Spider Island

RPM

7.707

Snail

A-

Mutant Human(s) : 1959 : Black/White : - Box Set #11

Andrew's Rank:

31

Mstie Rank:

130

RPM Rank:

152

"You've got great skin honey." Can we crumple this movie with a tissue and flush it down the toilet? Gary has made his decision (wink, wink).
Babs played fullback for the Lions. From Los Angeles they take off from New York to go to Singapore. Got him right in the middle of a cheerleading move.
Don't buy extra-strength Biore.

Characters:

Crow: "They should just start putting handles on women for easy carrying."

Gary

: Talent agent who auditions dancers for a show in Singapore. His assistant and girlfriend is...

Georgia

: Level headed and keeps the women together through the trials on Spider Island.

The Dancers

: A group of very attractive, cooing, somewhat brain-dead women.

Bob & Joe

: Two researches who deliver supplies to the island and discover the marooned dance troupe. Joe is respectful but Bob is a womanizer, not that the women seem to mind.

Gary: "Damned heat. I don't even know what I'm doing any more!"

Tom: "Yes, I've been unfaithful but it was like 87 degrees."

Crow: "And it's kind of windy. That too. And high humidity."

Movie:
It's every girl's dream to be a dancer in Singapore. And it's every man's dream to be the lone male survivor in the group of passengers aboard the ill- fated flight to Singapore. That's what happens to 8 hot women and one lucky guy, Gary, who crawl aboard a raft and paddle to a forgotten island. Well, almost forgotten as a professor has discovered Uranium there but is found by the group, dead, in a huge spider web. Although it's never actually said, the radiation has mutated the island's spiders into horrible mutants whose bite can turn any human into a half-human half-spider. And that's just what happens to Gary who then kills the women one by one. Thank goodness the professor's assistants Joe and Bob arrive to deliver equipment only to find the women and learn of the happenings. The women are excited about being rescued, and the guys, excited about being with excited women, forget about the deadly imminent danger and throw a dancing, drinking, soft-core orgy of sorts. Gary crashes and kills Bob and several girls before Joe, using a spider's fear of fire (?), helps the girls chase Gary into some quicksand where the poor dope drowns. Characters we really have no attachment to survive and Joe, who woos women by dancing shirtless with a nylon scarf around his neck, is our hero. Fave character: Gary. Although he goes walking alone in the stormy darkness on an unfamiliar island, he proves early on to be the most likeable character and shows great leadership over the troupe of murmuring, cooing dancers.

Reflections:

Mike: "You know, Susan, before she died she told me she thought you were fat."

Watching this one recently, I was struck by how great Bill's performance was, especially with riff delivery. When he sang, "Taking-off-clothes music" I almost died laughing. His performance as flash-dancing Observer was equally as great. This was definitely a great Bill episode. Nice job, Bill!

Gary: "We've got to make it. Paddle with your hands."

Crow: "Or your panties or your breasts or whatever."

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

78
-Crow writes very true, and very short news articles.

Okay.


-Pearl spends millions to move to castle so she doesn't have to pay for her monkey license.

Not good.


-Mike is caught in a huge spider web.

Okay.


-Mike auditions Pearl, Brain Guy, and Bobo for a dance troupe Gary style.

Classic!!


-Mike and the bots wreck the satellite and become cooing, helpless women.

Classic!!


-Mike is bitten by a spider, and so morphs into one. Pearl moves again, and Bobo finds balloons in the restroom.

Great!


-

Stinger

: Girls scream, a plane crashes.
-

Andrew's Stinger

: Bob and Joe freeze in mid-fight and start laughing.




<< >>

1012: Squirm

RPM

7.814

Snail

C+

Mutant Beast(s) : 1976 : Color : - Box Set #31

Andrew's Rank:

89

Mstie Rank:

58

RPM Rank:

143

Short:

Spring Fever



The poster alone makes me squirm. I plan on doing that for the entire movie.

Characters:


Movie:
This is one creepy, nasty movie. The MST version has some nastiness edited out, thank goodness, but none of the creepiness. It starts with a violent storm sweeping across the tiny town of Fly Creek, Georgia. Power lines are knocked down and spark on the ground, and rain washes out several roads. Our affected heroine, Geri, drives to pick up her visiting love interest, Mick from San Francisco. Mick is VERY non-southern, nor does he make an attempt to fit in and thus angers the town's pink, creepy sheriff. Mick and Geri keep finding dead bodies but whenever the sheriff shows up, they're gone. Nick and Geri go fishing and the worms bite Mick. Creepy worm farm heir Roger, says they do that whenever they're exposed to electricity. Mick leaves to investigate, leaving Geri in the groping paws of Roger, who is eaten by worms after she pushes him down into a few of them. Geri and Mick continue to run around and unravel the mystery before millions of worms overrun Geri's house, killing her mother and Roger, who shows up again to kill Mick. Mick and Geri escape to a tree and spend the night there. Morning comes, a man tells them the power lines are fixed, and the movie ends. Very dumb movie, but the haunting theme song sung by a child completes the creepiness. Fave character: The worms. They don't eat anyone who's not disgusting already.

Reflections:


Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

43
-It's the annual SOL Safety Check. The HAM radio was thought to be an actual ham.

Classic!!


-It's the first annual Castle Forrester Fair! The bots have raised a 2.5 ton pig.

Great!


-Mikey the Mike Sprite grants Crow's wish for no more Mike!

Classic!!


-Tom has extreme Southern-belle-itis.

Okay.


-Mike tries to create a race of monster worms, but just fries the poor guys. They're delicious!

Great!


-Crow has very high heels. Observer does the Super Screamer Bungee Jump.

Okay.


-

Stinger

: You gonna be da worm face!




<< >>

1013: Diabolik

RPM

8.137

Slow

D+

Cops/Spies : 1967 : Color

Andrew's Rank:

129

Mstie Rank:

54

RPM Rank:

134

Out for all he can caress? Oookay. Ahh! Why's the title looking at me like that?!

Characters:


Movie:

Reflections:

The host segments were just okay, but they wrapped everything up nicely. We had a nice epilogue for Pearl, Bobo, and Observer and their future plans made sense. We had one final song Mike sang about Earth. The whole thing just felt right. Which brings me to the final host segment. I can imagine that the writers brainstormed a million different ways to end the show. In my opinion, of all of those possibilities, they picked the correct one, and not one that any one of us Msties could have imagined. Mike and the bots, ultimately, end up in front of the TV, watching "The Crawling Eye". Shivers went up my spine at that point. Indeed, MST3K does not and should not exist as a linear string of episodes, but as a smorgasbord of B-movie celebrations that the viewer has complete freedom to enjoy in whatever order and whatever quantities they wish.

Perfect ending. Perfect.

Host Segments:

Host Seg Rank:

116
-Mike finds the SOL employee handbook.

Okay.


-Pearl has an SOL joystick. It breaks and the SOL speeds towards Earth.

Okay.


-Everyone is packed. Mike has rice, and Crow has dirty laundry. Tom is blowing up the extra Toms.

Great!


-Pearl has been offered a "Dictator for Life" position from Qatar. Bobo is going to work at the zoo. Observer will take the dead-end job as all-knowing eternal universal consciousness.

Okay.


-Crow is scared to leave so Mike sings a song to cheer him up, which scares Tom.

Okay.


-The SOL is disintegrating. Pearl pulls the plug. Mike and the bots end up in an apartment together on Earth... watching a bad movie for fun.

Classic!!


-

Stinger

: Bad guy inquires as to what the stud is doing.